


A place for us

by badgerBoyMay



Category: Jojo Rabbit (2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bi Klenzendorf, Bi-Gender Character(s), Captivity, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Gay, Gay Character, Gay Finkel, Happy Ending, Hospitalization, M/M, POWs, Post World War II, Post-War, Romance, Violence, post nazi germany
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:14:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24900655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badgerBoyMay/pseuds/badgerBoyMay
Summary: Captain K and Finkel survive the war just to be split up when they are taken into captivity. Will they find back to each other? Or will they be just another lovely memory.
Relationships: Freddy Finkel/Captain Klenzendorf
Comments: 34
Kudos: 30





	1. Captivity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tojund_for_us](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tojund_for_us/gifts).



> Please remember that english isn't my frist language but I tried!
> 
> Also I called Freddy "Freddie" because he's german and we use more "ie" than "y"
> 
> I don't want to support any political things with this fanfiction.
> 
> Also DISCLAIMER: Jojo Rabbit is not mine, so aren't the character. (Sadly)
> 
> Well so have fun?

Captain Klenzendorf was sitting next to his right hand and secret lover sub officer Freddie Finkel when the war had ended. He was exhausted, they both were. K's face was full of dirt and dried blood. The Make-up that Freddie had put there earlier was also very much gone from its place.  They were about to die and they knew that. The russian soldiers had thrown them all into a backyard were they would likely be executed. He looked to his side were Finkel was sitting, his head resting on K's shoulder.  He didn't care anymore. They would die anyway so he didn't want to hide now.

"It's okay Freddie, you did great." K whispered at him softly.  "Danke" he muttered back without looking up. Klenzendorf knew that Finkel was hurt pretty bad, he really hoped that his suffering would end soon. But they would get what they wanted, they would die together.  K looked to the other side, where some germans were going to be executed already.

"Finkie?", he whispered so that the other one would look at him. "Yeah?", Finkel looked up at his captain, clearly tired. "I love you.", K whispered with a smile and so that only his friend could hear it. Finkel also smiled at that, "I love you too.", he whispered back. The captain really wished that he would be able to kiss the younger man one last time but it was too dangerous. Yes, they would die but K didn't want Finkel to suffer even more before his death only because the russians saw they were gay. Then they would probably make them suffer a lot worse and that was something Klenzendorf didn't want to think about.

And then Jojo stumbled across the backyard looking scared as hell.  K sighed, he needed to save the boy one last time. So he did.

The russian soldier kicked Klenzendorf hard in the stomach which brought him down to the ground immediately.  Both, Jojo as well as Finkel watched that in horror. K was moaning in pain when two soldiers took him to be executed. Jojo was carried back to the entrance, screaming that they should leave K alone. The captain just gave him a last small smile.

Klenzendorf knew his time was up when something unexpected happened. They took him to a truck.  That wasn't right, why didn't they just shoot him right here, he thought. Where was Finkel? Why would they do this to him. Why would they be so cruel? K just wanted to spend his last minutes with his loved one but even that was too much to ask for. He could cry out of anger. That stupid war had taken everything from him and now even that. Even his death was cruel.  There were several other people on the truck. All of them officers but K couldn't think about that right now. His thoughts were with Finkel when the truck started to drive off.

Finkel never felt more alone. He knew they would die but Klenzendorf had promised him they would die together. He had promised him to stay with him until the end. Now he was alone. They had carried his captain away from him. Out of his sight. So they wouldn't shoot Klenzendorf right now. A small piece of Freddie was grateful that they hadn't shot his loved one but another part was angry and sad and most of all afraid. He wasn't afraid with K at his side but now, all on his own, he was scared to his bones. Would they shoot Freddie now? Now where he was all alone. Freddie looked to the side and saw something shiny in the dirt. He picked it up and saw that it was a button. One of his captains buttons.

He could tell by the little K on the top. Klenzendorf had wanted all the buttons on his  _ improved  _ uniform to have a small K on the top. Freddie looked at it for a moment and smiled. He thought about the fact that his captain always forgot to button up his right chest pocket simply because he couldn't see it well with his one functioning eye.  Finkel put his fingers around the button. This was the only thing left of his love and he would die with it.

Another soldier came into the backyard and stopped in front of Finkel. He talked to his russian colleagues and pulled the young sub officer up on his feet. Then he took him away from the backyard. The only thing Finkel felt right now was confusion. Where would they go?

When Klenzendorf woke up again it was dark. Just that he in fact did wake up surprised him. But he knew he couldn't be dead. His body ached like hell and he didn't believe that death would feel like this. No, he was still alive. K rubbed his eyes and tried to see anything. He was in a cell.

So captivity it was for him? But why, he asked himself. What would they get from keeping him in a cell. And most of all, why hadn't they shot him?  K looked down on his body. They had patched up his wounds. Klenzendorf didn't understand any of this. He was just a simple captain. A simple captain who had " _ trained" _ the HJ guys in the last two years. What kind of information could they want from him?

It took a whole day until the door opened and two guys came into the cell. An american and a russian soldier.  The russian shouted something to him in his own language. K didn't understand a word. Luckily the american spoke german. "Are you captain Julius Klenzendorf?" he asked him. K nodded "yes, why?", he said.  "Because we would like to have a word with you, captain."

"I have no information about any possible topic you could want to hear about, believe me. I wasn't in battle for three years. Just shoot me."

The american shook his head. "We don't want to shoot you. Well the russians want to, not gonna lie on that, but we decided that you won't die. Your punishment will be captivity."

"But why? I don't understand." K asked. "We know of your involvement in the german resistance and also that you played your part in operation paperclip. This was the reason for the judges to decide that you won't get a death sentence." he told him.  K looked at him puzzled. "I won't? I won't die?", Klenzendorf wanted to know. "No you won't die."

His thoughts wandered to Finkel. Was he dead already? Probably.. K didn't want to live without him!  "What happened to my sub officer? Finkel, what did you do to him?", he asked, not prepared to hear about his death. "Who?" the american asked.

"The guy who was with me." K answered. The american spoke something to the russian but he only shrugged. "We don't know. The men that were in that backyard with you were executed. I can't say if he was too."

"Can you please look for him?" Klenzendorf asked.  The russian shouted something at him again. "What did he say?" K wanted to know. "He says you don't have the right to ask for any favours."  K just nodded, "I know, I know. I just want to know if he's dead or alive.. he is under my command and I care for the men under my command."

The american nodded, as it seemed he could understand that. "I'll try to find out. What was his name?"

"Freddie Finkel, sub officer Freddie Finkel." K told him a little bit excited that he would do that for him. K needed to know. The russian was now talking furiously to the american but he doesn't seem to care for that. "A doctor will look at your wounds in the next days." The captain just nodded.  Then both men left again.

Alone with his thoughts Klenzendorf stared at the opposite wall. He took off his jacket and threw it next to him on the ground. Something fell out of the pockett while he did that.  Curious, K picked it up. It was a little note which said:  _ I love you, my captain. In life and death, always. _

Tears were forming in K's eyes. "I love you too, Finkie." he whispered and kissed the note before he drifted into another exhausted sleep.

  
  


Finkel was brought into a POW camp in england. There were four other people in the barrack he should stay in. One guy, a german navy corporal was his direct bed neighbor. "Hey there, new guy. Where are you from dressed like that?" he asked amused.

Finkel had lost his cape somewhere but his uniform was still pretty much pink here and there. "Uh well long story." he sighed. "I'm Hannes, who are you?" the guy said.

"Freddie", he gave him his hand.  "Pleased to meet you Freddie. So you are from the  _ Heer _ ?"  Finkel just nodded. "I'm in the  _ Kriegsmarine _ . Well I mean I was. Without a war it's just the  _ Marine _ I guess." he gave him a smile.  Freddie tried to smile back but it looked sad. "Cheer up buddy it could be worse. They are quite kind to us if you look at the fact that we are POWs.", Hannes told him.

"I should have been executed." Finkel said. "Woah what did you do, man?"

"Nothing at all, I was the right hand of a captain. We had to watch over the HJ guys in our city."

"Ow my condulences, quite a shity job huh?" he asked.  Finkel shook his head. "It was okay actually. The naziparty left us alone. We could do whatever we want as long as we did some reports, so yeah we didn't actually had to follow this whole shit."

"You're pretty anti-nazi I suppose?" Hannes wanted to know.  "Yeah. You?"

"Definitely. What do you think why I am a navy guy?" he laughed.  Finkel gave him a real smile now. It was good to have someone around who he could talk to. Finkel took of his dirty, half ripped jacket. "How long are you here already?" he asked Hannes.

"Hm a good year I would say? My u-boat sank. I was one of the few people who survived. It's a shame, our Captain was a good guy." Hannes explained. "Oh.. I'm sorry.." Finkel answered. "It's fine, it's fine." he shrugged. "The  _ Ubootwaffe _ was a dangerous place to be. But also one of the most exciting." he grinned.

Finkel sat down on his new bed.  "Hey do you want to wash yourself? You are quite bloody in the face. We have a bucket of water left from this morning." Hannes offered him.

"Yeah that would be marvelous." Freddie nodded and went over to the bucket to clean his face.  "Where are the other guys?" Finkel asked. "Working. We have our own garden." he told him. "You have a garden here?" Freddie asked.  "Uhm yeah we do. With our own vegetables in it. It's quite fun I mean at least we have something to do. The Commander here things it's a good idea."

Finkel nodded. "Shall I show you around?" Hannes asked. "Sure", the other smiled. They went outside and Hannes showed him around the camp.

"So Freddie, married?" His new friend wanted to know. Finkel stiffened a little bit. "Married? No, I'm not married."

"Same here but I will be in the future. My girl is waiting for me. I bet some pretty girl is waiting at home for you too, huh?" he grinned but Freddie shook his head. "There is nobody waiting for me. I lost the person I love." he said, clearly sad. "Oh.. I'm very sorry.. did she die?" he asked carefully.  "Probably." Finkel answered and thought about his captain.

"I see you still miss her.."

"Well, that's just the way it is when you lose the love of your life." he sighed.  They were silent for a few seconds. "Uhm come on! I'll show you the garden." Hannes then said and took him by the hand.

Freddie's mood got a big lift up when he saw the little camp garden. You could see that there was lots of love put in the project. Freddie had always loved gardening. In the beginning of their time at the HJ headquarters he had planted a lot of flowers in the flowerpots in front of the windows. He had also planted K's favorite on the balcony of his office. Klenzendorf seemed extra happy on that day. Good memories. He had nearly just good ones with Julius. There were of course a few bad ones. Especially at that time when they had hardly knew each other, back at the front. Freddie was sent to K's unit in the early 1942. The same year in which Klenzendorf had lost his right eye. Freddie could remember him with both his eyes. Intelligent, bright eyes. But he could also remember the night his captain had nearly died in an enemy attack. It was strange now when he looked back at all the stuff Klenzendorf and himself had experienced together. And now they would probably never see each other again.

God, Finkel didn't even know if Julius was still alive. Freddie hoped desperately that if he was alive, he wouldn't suffer that much.  He looked back at Hannes. "The garden is great."

"Told you so, mate." the young man grinned. They went back to their barrack. "Can I work there too?" Finkel wanted to know. "Yeah sure. Just talk to Gerhardt, he's the man in charge of the garden planning."

Hannes threw himself on his bed. "So where are you from? Cityboy or village child?" he asked Freddie.  "I'm a city guy. Was born in Frankfurt. What's with you?"

"Proud child of the dike. I'm from St. Peter-Ording. The sea is in my blood." he grinned. "Well it makes sense then that you are in the navy."

"You see, if I really had to die in the war, at least I wanted it to be on the water." he said.

"That's nice I believe. I'm glad you aren't tho. Quite good to have someone to talk to." Freddie admitted.  "Oh I believe you will also like the others. Heinz and Erwin are nice people."

"I hope so." he gave him a small smile.

It took Freddie a few days to get into the camp everyday life but he learned quickly and the guys from his barrack helped him. His POW life wasn't that bad but one question didn't leave him alone. Why was he here and.. alive? Why didn't they shoot him in that backyard?  Right now, his question should remain unanswered.

  
  


Julius Klenzendorf was bored to death. He was laying on his back on the ground and counted the cracks in the ceiling for the fifth time this hour. K sighed deeply. Why was captivity so damn boring? Worst of all, he couldn't sleep anymore. Whenever he fell asleep he woke up from a terrible nightmare in which he saw how they executed his Freddie. K hated the fact that he didn't know what had happened to his lovely sub officer. Was he alive? Where was he? He just missed Freddie so damn much.

A few days ago the prison doctor had looked at Klenzendorf's wounds and said he would be fully recovered at the end of the month. K didn't care. He was in a prison after all so it didn't matter to him if he was healthy or not. He wouldn't exactly walking outside in the near future. K sat up again and rubbed over his eyes. He wasn't that sober in a long time. What would he do for a little bit of alcohol. The door opened and the young american came into the cell. The one which visited him when he first woke up here. "Heya mate", K said clearly tired. The american soldier only nodded at him with a small smile. "How are you?" he asked. "I'm alive." Klenzendorf answered. "What can I do for you?" K then wanted to know.  The american laughed. "You for me? Nothing at all. I'm just here to stick to my word." he said.  Klenzendorfs eye sparkeled. "Did you find Freddie!?" 

His opponent nodded. K was immediately a lot more tense. "And is.. is he alive?" this was the question K was afraid of. He looked at the other man and hoped. "Yes he is." the american said. Julius wanted to cheer and scream out of happiness. He was alive! His lovely Freddie was still alive.  "Do you know where he is?"

"In a POW camp in britain but I'm not allowed to tell you more." he said.  "Oh it's fine I'm already thankful for everything you did, Sir."

"I'm Major Louis Anderson by the way." he told him. "Well you know who I am but, I'm captain Julius Klenzendorf, I prefer to be called K tho." he gave him his hand.  "Alright then K. I'll leave you on your own now." Major Anderson stood up and went out of the cell. Klenzendorf could only smile and took out the note. He kissed it again, like he did many times already. "You're alive my angel. I'm so glad you are alive.." now he had something to believe in. Something to keep fighting for.

That he did. Even if it was hard sometimes. Not everyone there was as kind as Major Anderson. Many of the officers beated him up for fun.  Kicked him in the stomach when he was laying on the ground already. K didn't fight back. He knew it wouldn't exactly help him to do so. And he wanted to get out someday and see his Freddie again.  But the longer he stayed there the more doubts he got. Why would Freddie wait for him? He probably thought K was dead anyway. He would just continue his life..

K punched one of the walls and suppressed an angry scream. It was so clear! He was just an aging, crippled army soldier. Now without an army. Never would he be so lucky to get Finkie back.  Klenzendorf slid down the wall and remained in a crouched position on the floor. Wiping away tears. He really wished he had been shot.

K's thoughts went to the last night he had spent with the younger one. They had had a wonderful time in Klenzendorf's bedroom and had snuggled up afterwards. This had been one of these nights where K had asked himself why someone like Freddie, young and beautiful would want to stay with someone like him. Julius was nearly 35 now. Freddie had just turned 28. They had quite a few years between them. Sometimes, K had thought that Freddie had only stayed with him because staying with a man was highly illegal and Klenzendorf was willing to do that. But then he had looked at the younger one and had seen the love in his eyes. those beautiful eyes. Something Klenzendorf would never forget.

He thought about a conversation they had had in this particular night.

_ "Are you thinking about the invasion?",  _ Freddie had asked.

_ "I should, right? But no I'm not.",  _ K had answered.

_ "So what troubles you, my captain?" _

_ "Freddie why are you here?"  _ Klenzendorf had asked.

_ "Well I'm your adjutant, I-",  _ K had interrupted him there,  _ "No, Finkie why are you here, in my bed, this time of the night?" _

Finkel had looked at him with quite some confusion.  _ "We just had sex." _

K had nodded,  _ "I know that, I was present. I want to know  _ **_why_ ** _ you are doing all that. I'm not the kind of person someone would like to date.." _

He had then looked at Finkel and there it had been, the love in his eyes.

_ "Julius I love you. I'm glad that I'm able to be with you. That you want to be with me." _

K had smiled at that,  _ "come here, honey."  _ Then he had pulled him closer.

Now in that lonely cell, Klenzendorf treasured all this little memories inside of his heart. He was so grateful that he could have had two wonderful years with Freddie. They were the worst but at the same time happiest years of his life. Because he was in a shitty situation deep down in a war but he had the man he loved at his side. And Freddie would have never left him. With that thought he fell asleep and for the first time in 8 weeks of captivity, he had a nice dream about his Freddie.


	2. Camp. Cell. Captivity the II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finkel is thinking about his captain and K learns why he's still alive.

Freddie and Hannes were working in the garden this morning. It was a nice day, lots of sun but not too warm. Freddie was planting the hyacinths he had got from the commanders adjutant. The young Adjutant had liked Freddie from the start. Finkel was wondering if the man might be gay but this wasn't his business.

Freddie had always liked hyacinths and after some begging he had got some. "Why are you planting flowers, mate? You can't even eat them.", Hannes asked him.  "Well I like them. They make me happy. Also they were one of the favourites of my b-" he stopped himself at the right time and said instead: "beautiful partner." this was a close one. Hannes only grinned. "So your girl liked hyacinths?"

Finkel nodded "yeah, always said they would look pretty in a garden in front of a small house.." he remembered with a smile. "Do you have a photo of her?" Hannes asked, but Finkel shook his head. "No, sadly I don't. But I can try to describe  _ her _ for you."

"Yeah please." the other one said clearly nosey.

Freddie's mouth spread into a big smile. "Well  _ she _ had pretty brown hair and beautiful intelligent eyes. A cute nose. Also the most beautiful smile I have ever seen.  _ She  _ also had a great personality, loving and friendly if  _ she _ liked you but let me tell you  _ she _ could also beat you up if  _ she _ had to." He grinned a little more " _ she _ had the perfect body, well there were a few scars on the right Shoulder blade but that just made  _ her _ more attractive to me. Showed how brave  _ she _ was to protect  _ her _ people." Finkel gushed about his captain. Hannes gave him a big smile, "sounds like real love to me."

"Oh it is," Freddie answered and watered his plants. "I can show you my girl tho, if you'd like." Hannes said and looked if the Tomatoes were growing. "Yeah I would like that. Show me.", Freddie smiled. Hannes came over to him and gave him a little photograph of his fiancée. A pretty girl Finkel had to admit. "She looks pretty. How old is she?", he asked. The other man answered with a small smile: "She's 25. I'm 26. My _Kapitänleutnant_ **[1]** would say now: _"when I was your age I was a u-boat captain already! You aren't even an officer"_." Hannes laughed. "I never wanted to become an officer."

"I can understand that. I have seen quite some shit regarding officer work when my captain and I were still at the eastern front." Finkel answered.  "How so? All idiots I believe?"

"Well at least lots of them. There was an attack on our camp one night. The general in charge hadn't had thought about that there was a chance that this would happen at this place. Long story short, we were attacked and my captain lost his right eye."  Hannes made a face, "ew ouch. How did he lose it?" he wanted to know.  Finkel thought back to that night.  "You see, my captain is an intelligent man but he is also kinda an idiot."  Hannes laughed at that.  "Yeah and he thought we would die, well we all thought that. So my captain was sitting on the tank gun of one of our broken tanks-"

Hannes interrupted him, "He did WHAT?!" the younger man started laughing loudly. "He was sitting on a tank. In his full uniform, his jacket over his shoulder and sunglasses on his face."

"Your captain was kinda crazy huh?"

Finkel chuckled but shook his head, "not crazy no, he just always said he wanted to go with a bang if he dies."

"And then he lost his eye?"

Finkel nodded, "he had laughed at the enemy, ready to be killed, ready to have the attention all to himself so that his men had time to rescue themselves. Against his will, I was standing next to him and a grenade landed next to me. My captain jumped of that tank and pushed me out of the way but some of the shrapnel hit his face and arm; ergo, he lost his eye."

"So your captain saved you?" Hannes asked. "Yeah but afterwards I saved him by carrying him to the medics."

"Wow.. and the craziest things I've seen in the war were the parties in the bar Royal in St. Nazaire."

"Crazier than being deep down in the ocean and waiting for the  _ wasserbomben  _ **_[2]_ ** to stop?" Finkel wanted to know. He had heard lots of stories about their u-boat forces and the heavy attacks they went through in the war. "No WaBo is as bad as a bar full of drunk u-boat captains with guns." Hannes said. Finkel looked thoughtful "yeah officers seem to have a thing for guns."

"Are you a good with them?" Hannes wanted to know but Freddie shook his head. "God no, I'm terrible with guns. My captain always laughed about that. I asked him to show me but he said I would probably shoot my foot off. Are you good at gunfighting?"  Hannes also shook his head "but you see, there wasn't much gun shooting to do in a u-boat."

They went to get lunch and met up with Erwin and Heinz in their Barrack.  "Hey guys." Erwin said when they went in. Hannes only waved at him. Freddie sat down in front of his bed. "Hey yall I have a question." he started.  The three men looked at him. "What's up, Frederik?" Heinz asked.  "Do you think they will ever tell me why I'm here?"

"Well we lost the war and you are a prisoner of war, mate." Hannes answered. "Yeah I know that, but isn't it strange that I should have been executed the one second and then I'm a POW in the other? I just want to know why they don't want me to die."

"You could ask." Erwin said.

"Ask? Who should I ask?" Finkel seemed confused.  "The commander?" Erwin shrugged.  "I'm not sure if this is a good idea." Heinz answered.  "I could ask Jeremy, the commander's adjutant you know. We get along quite nicely." Freddie thought out loud.  "Well then do that if you think it helps."

"Yeah I think I will."

At the same day, Finkel went to Jeremy who was standing outside the office and smoked a cigarette.  "Evening." Finkel smiled at him.  "Oh hey there, Fred." Jeremy answered, offering him one of his cigs.  Freddie turned him down politely. "Jeremy I know you already did a lot for me but I need to ask you something."

"What do you want this time?"

"Can you find out why I am here?" Freddie asked.  Jeremy laughed, "you do know that we are a POW camp for germans yeah? That should answer your question."

"No, see the russians wanted to execute me and I don't know why I am still alive. I would like to know that."  Jeremy looked at him for a few seconds, then pulled on his cig. "I can't help you with that."

"Why not?" Finkel asked.  "Because it is stated in your file and all files are in a cabinet in Colonel Richmonds office. I would need to ask him to look for that information."

"Do that then!" Freddie said.  "Freddie I can't. I really can't do that."

Finkel looked down in disappointment.  "Urgh fine! I can't stand people looking that sad. I'll try but I won't promise you anything!" he answered.  Freddie looked at him with much more joy now, "Thank you, Jeremy."

"Yeah, now go get inside your barrack it's getting dark."

"Good night." Freddie smiled and went back to the others.

"What did he say?" Finkels neighbors wanted to know. "He said he'll try."

"How would you get him to do that?" Erwin asked surprised.

"Well he just likes me a lot." Freddie laughed. Heinz just shook his head while grinning. "Our Freddie is quite something."

"He really is." Hannes agreed.  Finkel just laid down on his bed and closed his eyes. His mind drifted of to a memory of himself and Klenzendorf. One of his favourite things in this camp was just to be alone with his thoughts and think about anything including his captain. Freddie swore that he would look for K after his time in captivity. He just needed to know what had happened to his lover. If he was still alive or already in a nameless grave somewhere on a field. Freddie was in captivity for two months now. He didn't know how long he would stay. All he could do was dream about his captain while he was here. So he did that.

Freddie thought about their first time together.

It was in early 1942 at the eastern front. Finkel had been Klenzendorf's adjutant for a week, when he had yelled for him out of his tent. Finkel went in, not knowing what he could have done wrong.

" _ Yes Captain?" _ he had asked, trying to stand as straight as he could.

" _ Get comfortable." _ the captain had said without looking up

_ "Captain, may I ask what I did wrong?" _

Klenzendorf had looked up at him.  _ "What you did wrong? You didn't do anything wrong." _

_ "Why did you scream for me then, Captain?" _

Klenzendorf had waved him over to his desk. Freddie had sat down next to him, still looking confused.

" _ Are you in any way gay, Finkel?"  _ Captain K had asked him seriously.

Freddie had tensed up immediately. " _ W..what? Why do you think that?! O..of course not!"  _ Freddie had stuttered.

Klenzendorf had then smiled.  _ "What a shame." _

_ "What do you mean, captain?" _

K's smile spread into a grin, " _ well Freddie you are quite a dashing young man. But maybe I just misread the signals this past week." _

_ "No! You.. you've not.."  _ he had muttered.

_ "Yeah I thought so."  _ K had then grabbed him by his collar and had pulled him into their first kiss.

  
  


Freddie smiled at that memory. That had been one of many nights in his captains tent. It had been rough sex at that time. Only later Finkel would find out that Julius could be also very gentle and loving in bed. With every forbidden night in Klenzendorfs tent or quick stolen kisses in unseen moments they fell more and more in love. It was on the third day at their new job in bavaria when K had said  _ "I love you"  _ for the first time.

They had finished moving into the new house. Since Freddie was Julius' adjutant, nobody suspected anything from them staying at the same place. Everyone believed they were just sharing the apartment.

That they did, but they also shared a bedroom. Freddie was laying on the bed, looking at the ceiling when Klenzendorf had said the three little words. Finkel had stared at him. " _ Did you just-"  _ he had asked and K had nodded. " _ I love you too, Julius."  _ Freddie had answered with a big smile. He would never forget how K's good eye had shone out of joy in that moment.

Smiling about that memory, Freddie fell into a peaceful sleep.

  
  


Julius was going slightly mad. Two solid months of captivity in a small cell were worse than any HJ work he had ever done in his life. The captain was sitting on the floor leaning against the wall. He was wondering what Freddie was doing now. The Major had told him that Finkel was likely not in a cell like K was and Klenzendorf was happy about that. He didn't want Finkie to go through that. Klenzendorf sighed just when the door opened.

Anderson came into the cell and sat down on the empty bed. "Hey there, Major" K said. "Captain", he simply answered. "To what do I owe the honor of your presence?" Klenzendorf asked.  "I'm here to inform you about your final punishment." he started. "Death?" K joked. "Nope, still not death." he rolled his eyes but smiled. "Two years", he added. "Another 22 months?" K groaned. Anderson nodded. "What do I have to do for you guys to shoot me?" the captain asked. Louis just laughed at that. "I'm afraid you can't do anything because the americans don't want to shoot you, the british and french think that death is too good for you and the russians don't care enough about you."

"I still don't understand why I am alive.", the german shrugged. "You had a good lawyer." Anderson answered.  Klenzendorf looked at him, "why would I get a lawyer and why would he wanted-" he stopped. "you", K said.  Louis nodded. "Why did you save my life? You don't even know me."

"That's true, but my little brother does." the Major explained. "Your brother? How? Who?" he tried to remember but nobody came to his mind.  "You see captain, my brother was a pilot in the war and he was sent to the eastern front once to deliver documents. His plane crashed into the woods and he was found by a german officer who, to his surprise, helped him instead of killing or capturing him." he told him. Now K remembered, "Oh! Yes I do remember. I found a young pilot while I was on night patrol in these woods. He wasn't older than 19 and looked rather scared. I couldn't harm him, I didn't want to. That was your brother?" Klenzendorf asked.

Louis nodded, "And Walter says he only survived because of your kindness and that I shall tell you 'thanks' again."

"So he survived the war? He's okay?" Klenzendorf had always wondered what had happened to that young pilot.  "Yes he is and so's his family."

K smiled, "that's good for him."

"You saved my family, I saved you. We are even." the Major said.  "Thank you, for everything."

"My pleasure, captain."

They were silent for a moment until Klenzendorf said: "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what is it?" Anderson replied.

"You're american, why are speaking german that good?" K wanted to know.  Louis gave him a small smile.  "My grandparents were germans."

"Oh I see. After what my country did you must be pretty ashamed to have german roots huh?"  Anderson shook his head. "No I don't feel ashamed. I don't see Germany as the enemy. I see your country as a victim to a man who manipulated it's people into believing absurd ideas." He told him. "It's good that we lost the war. It just is a shame that so many innocent people had to die. We should have lost it a lot sooner if you ask me." Klenzendorf admitted. "You are a good person Julius Klenzendorf." Louis said.

K laughed and shook his head "no I'm really not, but thank you."

"My pleasure." The Major stood up and went to the door. "I'll see you."

"I'm looking forward to it. It's terribly boring here." Louis laughed at that. "Maybe I can get a chessboard if you'd like, are you playing captain?"

"I would love seeing you lose against me." K answered. "We'll see" Anderson closed the door behind himself. K stood up and laid down on the bed. This would be very long 22 months..

  
  
  


[1] A rank in the  _ Kriegsmarine. _ comparable with a captain.

[2] bombs that are used in the ocean to destroy for example u-boats.


	3. Freddie goes home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freddie can go home to his family and Julius is playing chess.

Jeremy knocked on the open door of the barrack and came in. "Hey there guys. Fred I have news for you." he said while looking at Freddie.  It had been a week since Finkel had asked him to find out about the reason why he was at the camp.

"Did you find out?" Freddie asked excited. "Yeah I did. And you owe me man." he said. "Wanna talk in private or can they stay?" Jeremy asked. "They can stay here." Finkel nodded.

"Well okay then. So the first thing I found was "marked for execution" like you said but the second was order to bring you here." he paused, "I did a little bit of research and found out that they decided to keep you alive because they didn't find anything about you killing someone."

"I haven't. I never killed anyone in my life." Finkel nodded.

"So yeah, captivity it is."

"For how long?" Freddie asked him.

Jeremy shrugged, "I have no idea." Freddy nodded again "Well thank you then. It meant a lot."

"My pleasure, Fred." the adjutant said and left.

Erwin turned around and looked at the younger man, "you never killed anyone?" he asked. "No I haven't." Freddie answered truthfully. "The battle in which my captain and I were captured was the first time in years for me to even hold a gun, let alone firing one." he explained.

"Not even at the front?" Hannes wanted to know. "Nope, I mean I did have a pistol but I never used it. Not even in the night where we were attacked. I focused on saving my boss." Freddie said.

"Our Freddie is a saint." Heinz grinned. "Oh god no please." Freddie laughed, "I just never liked the idea of harming people." he explained.

"I can totally understand that, another reason why I joined the  _ Ubootwaffe _ is that I could work on a ship and didn't need to kill people myself." Hannes said. "But our u-boat did kill people so I wouldn't say I never killed someone. Our captain gave the order and we did what he said."

Erwin agreed, "we had quite some trouble in france. I saw the invasion in the normandy. Hell, I tell you. It was hell." he muttered.

Heinz gave him a pitying look.

Freddies life continued to be okay in the POW camp. He was working with the other in the garden or practiced the english language with Jeremy. Months went by and the camp routine became normal. After six and a half months, Freddie was called to the commander.

He was confused because he didn't know what he could have done wrong.

Jeremy let him into the office. Colonel Richmond, his adjutant and an interpreter waited for him.

"Good evening Sir." Freddie said.

"Hello, Herr Finkel." the colonel answered, "Please have a seat."

Finkel sat down on a chair in front of the desk. "I bet you are wondering why you are here?" Richmond asked. The interpreter translated for Freddie and the young sub officer nodded.

"Well it's time for you to pack your stuff." the colonel explained. "Will I be transferred?" Freddie asked.

Richmond shook his head. "No, Herr Finkel you are free to go. You've been here for over six months and the judges think that's enough for you. You didn't do more crimes for which we could punish you." The colonel explained. "Okay.. Sir. Thanks Sir."

"Do not thank me, boy. Thank yourself." the englishman gave him a very small smile. "Yes Sir."

"Good good. You'll leave by tomorrow morning. But I fear you have to look for yourself how to come back to germany." the colonel said.

Freddie only nodded. "Alright"

"You're dismissed, soldier."

Freddie hurried out of the office and back to the barrack.

Finkel couldn't really realize what that meant right now. He would be a free man again. He could go home. But.. where was home? Where should he go? Freddie decided to try arriving in germany first and then he would decide where to go. His bunkmates weren't in the house when he entered.

Finkel didn't have much belongings so he didn't really need to pack. He laid down on the bed. When he was home he could start looking for Julius. Maybe he should go visit his family first. Finkel was sure that his mother and sister were worried about him. Yeah, he owed to them to visit. But then he would try finding his loved one. Now he only needed a place to start looking for him..

Anyway, Freddie was happy. Seeing, touching Julius again if he still was alive never felt so possible before.

The young man closed his eyes and thought about a nice memory.

  
  


_ "Finkie come to bed" _ K had said while watching Freddie walking around the bedroom with a clipboard.

"Ah yes, of course captain." he had nodded military like and went over to the bed. K had rolled his eyes.

_ "We're home and we're in my bed. I'm not your captain, Freddie. I am your boyfriend." _ Klenzendorf had said with a smile.

" _ I'm sorry." _ Finkel had muttered but Julius had just kissed the hand of the younger man, "stop apologizing, love."

Freddie had looked at him then.

" _ I love you very much Finkie and you're doing great." _ K had assured him.

_ "I love you too, K." _ Freddie had replied with a smile and snuggled up to his boyfriend. " _ And I'm glad for that." _

  
  


Freddie smiled and waited for the others to come back so that he could tell them the news. Erwin and Hannes were the first to come back from work. "Hey Freddie you wanna come join us for dinner?" Hannes asked. Finkel nodded. "Yeah sure!" he stood up and followed them. "Guys I need to tell you something." Freddie started.

"You are pregnant?" Hannes wanted to know with a grin. "Very funny." Finkel rolled his eyes. "Ok not pregnant then. You are going to marry?" he tried another time.

"Of course, you are the bride Hannes." Freddie boxed him softly against the shoulder. "Oh I'm honored, Fred." Hannes replied. "I wanna be best man." Erwin just said.

They entered the mess where Heinz waited for them. The four men got something to eat and sat down on a table. "So cityboy, what are the big news?" Hannes now asked.

Freddie smiled, "I'm going home."

"No way, mate!" Heinz grinned.

"I'm happy for you Freddie." Erwin also smiled at him. "Yeah, commander told me today that I'll leave tomorrow. I can go home. I bet you guys can go home soon too." Freddie gave them a bigger smile. "I'm proud of you, man. But also sad that you're leaving. We'll stay in contact when we are getting out here right? I'll give you my address. Promise that we'll write." Hannes grinned. "We sure will." Finkel nodded, then looked at the others, "You two too." Both men also nodded, "of course we are a team."

They ate and talked about this and that. Then went to their barrack.

The next morning Freddie was ready to leave. In his pocket he had a note with three addresses on it. Heinz and Erwin had said their goodbyes early in the morning because they had working to do, but Hannes sat on his bed watching Freddie picking up his belongings. "You're really leaving."

Finkel nodded, "I'm really leaving yeah." the other man stood up and hugged Freddie. "I'll miss you, mate but I'm happy for you."

"Thank you Hannes." Freddie smiled.

"Where will you go? Back to Frankfurt?" Hannes asked.

Finkel nodded, "yes, I wanna visit my mom and little sister. Then we'll see. I don't know yet."

They hugged a second time. "Watch out, okay?" Freddie answered: "You too." He took his jacket and went to the door but was stopped by Hannes,

"Oh and Freddie?"

"Yes?" Finkel asked.

"I really hope you will find him." he smiled. Freddie was confused, "find who?" But Hannes just gave him a knowing look. "The guy you love, your captain." he said.

Freddie's face was full of wonder. Then he smiled back, "I'll try."

Jeremy brought Freddie to a truck where a few other were already waiting. "Good luck on the way, Fred."

"Thanks Jeremy." Freddie smiled and finally accepted a cigarette from him.

They shook hands and Freddie climbed into the truck. Then they started their way back home.

After a few days on the road and on board of a ship Freddie arrived in Wilhelmshaven, Germany.

It wasn't easy but he hitchhiked on to Frankfurt. Seeing the remains of his hometown hurt him but he was also quite surprised that the citizen had started to rebuild it. Freddie hoped to find his family alive and well. His father had died after world war I. Since then, Freddie was the man of his family. His mother Ilse and his little sister Katharina (who was 3 years younger than him) stayed in Frankfurt when he left for the eastern front in 1942.

Freddie walked through the streets and stopped in front of his home. He was relieved to see that the house was still there. Freddie walked the two little stairs and rang the bell. Then he just waited. When his sister opened the door the young man smiled. "Kathie!"

She looked at him for a few seconds then pulled him into a hug, "oh god Freddie you are alive!" she cried.

"Yeah I am. I missed you Katharina."

"I missed you too, Freddie. Come in please." Katharina pulled him inside.

"Who was it honey?" their mother asked from the kitchen. Kathie grinned, "Freddie, mom."

"What?!" the older woman hurried over to them and stopped in front of her son. Then also started to cry a little.

"Frederik! My little boy come here." they hugged tight. "Hey mama" freddie whispered. "We thought you are dead!" she told him. "I'm sorry.. I was in captivity in britain the last six months. But I'm okay, I'm good. And you seem okay too?" he asked.

"Well, we manage." Kathie said with a smile. "Now you are here again, sweety that is all that matters." Ilse smiled. Freddie nodded. He just couldn't tell her right now that he wouldn't stay. Finkel knew he needed to tell her but he would wait until the time was right.

First they had to talk about a lot of stuff.

  
  


In a prison in Bavaria guarded by the russians and americans, Julius Klenzendorf still sat in his cell and tried to not die of boredom. It was a good thing that Louis came along once a week to play chess with him. K was always looking forward to that. He was in that prison cell for over six months now. Julius wondered what the outside world looked like. He hoped that he wouldn't forget someday. After all he still had 18 months inside of this hell.

K sighed deeply. It would be much better if Finkie was with him. They would have at least each other. And they could cuddle. Oh how Klenzendorf missed the younger man in his arms. He would do nearly everything just to be able to hold his Freddie. Just one more time.

It was sunday, at least K thought it was. Keeping track wasn't that easy.

Sunday was good because then Louis would came around in the afternoon.

He was laying on his bed watching the ceiling when his mind started to wander as it so often did. And of course he thought about the man he loved. His only power source.

He thought about that day Freddie had planted some flowers.

_ "Finkel?"  _ K had shouted curiously through is office in search for the younger one.  _ "Outside, captain!" _ he had answered.

Klenzendorf then had walked to the little balcony and stopped in the doorframe.  _ "What are you doing?"  _ he had asked in amusement.

_ "I'm planting your favourites." _

K smiled at that little gesture lovingly. His sweet little Freddie.

_ "Why? Did you need me for anything, Captain?"  _ he had looked up at Klenzendorf. Now the captain could clearly see the little dirt stain on Finkels nose. It made him even cuter.

The older one had went a step forward and looked around. Then when he had acknowledged that nobody was there to see them, he had wiped the dirt stain away with his thumb while giving a little chuckle. Freddie had looked kinda confused.  _ "You had dirt on your nose, Finkie." _

_ "Oh I'm sorry captain."  _ He had said while blushing a little bit.

_ "It's fine you looked cute. Are you done there and would like to go grab some lunch?"  _ Klenzendorf had asked.

_ "Yeah sure, Sir."  _ Finkel had nodded and stood up to follow him. The balcony had never looked better.

  
  


K stretched on his prison bed when the door opened and major Anderson came in with the chess board under his arm. "Fancy a game, K?" he asked.

"Always, Louis. Please have a seat." he sat up so that the major could also sit on the bed. The board between them. "I got something for you." Anderson said and gave him a little package. Curious, K opened it and saw some cookies. "Cookies! Real cookies?"

Anderson nodded. "Yeah I got some from the kitchen. Early christmas present. Thought you'd like some."

K tried one and smiled, "you are a damn hero, Louis."

Anderson laughed at that, "if you say so, Klenzendorf."

They played their usual game of chess which was won by Louis this time and talked about stuff like the news out there. "When will you go home?" K asked him. Anderson shrugged. "I do hope that I'll be home soon but maybe I stay another 18 months to play some more chess." he grinned.

"Thanks by the way. You are rescuing my days." K told him. "My pleasure, friend. You are quite an interesting person to spend some time with."

"For an american you aren't that bad yourself." Julius joked.

K thought that Louis was indeed a good looking person. What a shame that Julius' heart was already occupied by a beautiful and kind young man.

"So K, it's already pretty late, I'll get going. The russian guard doesn't need to kick you for no reason just because I stay here too long."

"Yeah sure, see you around, mate." K answered and watched him leaving.

His mind switched to Freddie again while he ate the rest of the cookies.

And like that time went by.

  
  



	4. A village near Hannover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finkel starts looking for his captain in his (fictional) hometown of Wanningen near Hannover.
> 
> K gets a haircut

Freddie had stayed with his family for nearly a week now. He had to admit that he liked it a lot. Finkel had forgotten how nice it was to have his family around. But that didn't keep him from thinking about Julius. Freddie knew that he could only live in peace when he knew what happened to the older one. No, he would search for him.

But first he needed to tell his mom. Freddie walked home and looked for his mother. She was sitting in the living room, making some clothes for winter. Freddie smiled at her.

The knitted clothes already looked perfect. "Mom, do you have a minute?" Freddie asked, "always, honey."

The younger sad down across from her. "Mum I can't stay." he said.

Ilse smiled at him softly. "Yeah I know that."

Now it was on Finkel to be confused.

"How did you know?"

"Oh Freddie," she laughed, "you're my son. I know you and I can feel that you are not happy." she said.

Freddie only nodded.

"So what will you do?" she wanted to know. "I need to find my captain. I really need to speak to him." he said without telling too much. Finkel wasn't sure how his mother would take the news that her only son wasn't interested in women. Katharina on the other hand knew that he was gay and she was okay with it. His little sister had always supported him. But Freddie was afraid to tell his mother.

"Well Frederik if you need to speak to him then go look for him. I'm sure you will find him, sweety. Where will you start searching?" she answered.

Freddie sighed, "If I'd only know this."

"Do you know where he is from?" Ilse asked. "Yeah, a little village near Hannover. very rural."

"Maybe you could start looking there?"

"It would be a start I suppose."

"What does he do for a living?" Ilse wanted to know. "Oh he is a professional soldier. He already was in the  _ Heer _ before the war started."

"I see, you should speak to your sister. She has a friend in  _ Hannover _ maybe he can help you." Ilse told him.

"Oh? Yeah I'll ask her later, thanks mum." he smiled at her. "No problem, Freddie." His mother answered.

When Katharina came home, Freddie asked her about her friend in Hannover.

"Hey Kathy? Mother said you know someone in  _ Hannover _ . I need to stay there and thought maybe he would help us?" Finkel asked.

She put down the few things she had bought in the kitchen and looked at him. "Yes, I do. His name is Kurt Moser. I met him while I worked as a nurse. If you'd like I can call him."

"Yes please. I really could need some help with that."

Katharina looked at him curious, "Will you tell me why you need his help?"

Freddie took her sleeve and pulled her into her room. "Do you remember Julius?" he asked her.

"Wasn't he your captain/secret lover?" she grinned at him. "Stop that Kathie but yes. Look.. we were separated when the russians took us into captivity and I  _ need _ to find him." he said and looked quite lost.

Katharinas glance went soft.

"You still love him very much, huh?"

Freddie Just gave her a crooked but kinda sad smile, "He's the love of my life. I need to see him again. At least.. know what happened to him. I don't know if he is still…" Finkel sighed.

"Hey it's okay Freddie" she pulled him into a hug. "I'll try to help you as much as I can." Kathie smiled. "Thank you, little sister."

On the same day, in the evening, Katharina tried to reach Kurt. She waited for the phone to be picked up.

"Moser" someone said on the other end. "Hey Kurt! It's me Katharina Finkel and I could need your help." she said. The other laughed. "Hey Kathie! Yeah I told you to phone me if you need something. How can I help you?"

"My brother needs a place where he can stay for a bit. He is searching for someone and wants to start looking in his hometown near  _ Hannover _ ."

"Brother?" he asked interested. "Kurt," Kathie started, "He might be like you regarding that topic but he doesn't want a relationship, believe me."

"Ohh so he is.. you know?"

"He is but that is something that you shouldn't really discuss on the phone. Not even now with the war being over for seven months." she said.

"I know I know, but sure Kathie in that case of course I'll help you. That kind of people need to help each other." he answered happily. "Great, Thanks Kurt. I'll give him your address then and phone you again about the details of his arriving." she said. "Yes, do that. Bye Katharina." Kurt replied. "Bye Kurt." the woman smiled and ended the call. Then she went to her Brother.

"Freddie? I talked to Kurt. He said he'll help you." Katharina told him.

"He will? Oh thanks Kathie!" he hugged her. "My pleasure, dear brother of mine."

A few days later, Freddie had packed a few things and somehow managed to get a train ticket to  _ Hannover _ , or what was left of it. At least the train would be able to stop there so he didn't mind. All big cities looked the same. Destroyed, dirty, full of the horrors of war. But Freddie tried to stay optimistic about all. He would find Julius and they would live the life they had wanted so badly. A small house in a quiet place somewhere near a river, with hyacinths in the front yard and a big warm cozy bed in the bedroom.

Finkel smiled while thinking about that. The perfect life but it would only be perfect with Julius at his side, so he would look for him until he found him or at least found out how he died. Of course Freddie hoped for the first.

It was tuesday afternoon when Finkel arrived at  _ Hannover's _ main train station and was picked up by Kurt. He was a kind looking, high grown man with blond-brown hair and piercing green eyes. On his left cheek was a long but thin scar. "You must be Freddie! You look just like your sis. Hi I'm Kurt." the man gave him his hand and grinned joyfull. "I'm pleased to meet you and thanks again for your help." Freddie said.

The other looked at him unnoticed from top to bottom and said with a smile: "Oh I'm glad I can help. Come on let's go to my place."

Finkel followed him.

"So Freddie you're older than Katharina right?" Kurt wanted to know.

"Yeah, she's three years younger than me." Freddie explained.

"You're 28 then." Kurt stated.

"I am." Finkel nodded. "You?"

"Just turned 29." the man smiled.

They walked in silence for a few seconds until Freddie asked: "since you worked together with my sister, are you a doctor?"

Kurt laughed a little, "Well, I try to become one. I'm nearly done with my training."

"I'm impressed." Freddie said.

"Don't be, I'm a completely normal guy." Kurt smiled at him.

Freddie felt how his heart skipped a beat at this bright smile. Something that had until now, only happened when Klenzendorf smiled at him.

More important, it confused Freddie.

They arrived at Kurt's home and Freddie put his bag next to the sofa on which he would sleep the next days.

"You can stay as long as you like. I enjoy to be around people. Living alone gets quite boring from time to time." Kurt said. "That's kind of you."

"Oh I owe your sister. It's really fine."

Freddie smiled and nodded. "Okay."

Kurt then sat down next to him. "So who and where to you need to search?" his host asked.

"My former captain in the  _ Heer. _ We.. well Katharina said you are save to talk to so-" he was interrupted by Kurt, "You two were lovers."

Freddie nodded. "I love him very much and we were split up when taken into captivity. I need to find out what happened to him." he explained.

Kurt nodded, "I can understand that."

"And I wanted to start looking in his hometown. It's a small village near  _ Hannover _ maybe you know it. It's called  _ Wanningen. _ "

"Oh yes it's a small town like 15 kilometers from here."

"Can we go there tomorrow or so?" Freddie asked excited. "Yeah sure"

"Great!"

Kurt chuckled, "you seem quite excited." he stated.

"I haven't seen Julius in months. Everything that brings me further to him is good."

"Maybe we'll find him."

"I really hope so."

The next day they took the train to Klenzendorf's hometown.

It was indeed a small village near the forest. Finkel saw a few small lakes around the town. All in all it looked like a beautiful little town. "So where will we start?" Kurt asked.

"I have no idea. We could ask the people here about him. As small as the village is at least someone will know him or his family." Finkel shrugged.

They went to woman who was selling some groceries. "Good morning, my name is Frederik Finkel and I'm in search of a Julius Klenzendorf. Do you by any chance know him?" Freddie asked. The woman nodded, "yes of course! The Klenzendorfs are quite well known here. But I haven't seen Julius around for a long time. You should ask his family about him."

"Where can I find them?"

The woman gave him their address and explained the way to him and Kurt.

"Thank you very much." Finkel smiled.

Kurt had bought something as a thanks and because he did need some groceries.

The two men went to the Klenzendorf household. It looked like a nice house. One wall looked like it was repaired recently tho. Freddie entered the front yard and went to the door. Then he knocked and waited. A woman his age opened the door. "Can I help you?" she asked. "Maybe. I'm Frederik Finkel and I'm in search of Julius Klenzendorf. Have you seen him?"

"Julius? No. I haven't seen him for years. He's my cousin you know. What do you need from him?"

"He was my captain in the war and I need to speak to him."

"I see. Uhm do you two want to come in?" she offered.

Freddie and Kurt followed her. "My uncle and his family live next door. Maybe you should speak to my aunt Winnie about Julius. If someone knows what's up with him then his mother."

"Yes that sounds like a good idea." Freddie nodded.

"Well sit down please. I'll go get her." the woman said and went out of the room. "That worked pretty well huh?" Kurt asked him. Finkel nodded "yeah"

They waited for a few minutes until Winnifred Klenzendorf entered the room. Freddie immediately noticed that the elderly woman had the same shape of nose as her son. She gave both men her hand. "I'm Winnifred but you can call me Winnie. I'm Julius' mother. Doris said you look for him?" she asked.

Freddie nodded again. "I'm pleased to meet you,  _ Frau _ Klenzendorf. My name's Frederik Finkel, my friend here is Kurt Moser. Your son and I served together in the war, I was kinda his right hand. Do you know where he is? I desperately need to talk to him." he explained. Winnie shook her head. "I haven't heard of him in years. Last time I saw my boy was when he visited us in 1940. I'm really sorry. I wish I could help you but he hasn't showed up at home. I don't even know if he is still out there… I do hope he is." she said. Finkels face dropped a little bit.

"I understand  _ Frau _ Klenzendorf. Well.. could you maybe inform me if he do shows up here? It would mean a lot to me." Freddie asked.

"Of course I can do that  _ Herr _ Finkel. Just leave me your phone number or your address." Winnie gave him a smile that reminded Finkel a lot of Julius. "Thank you, ma'am." he wrote down both, phone number and address and they said their goodbyes.

10 minutes later Freddie and Kurt walked outside along a little river. "It would have been just too easy if he would have been here." Freddie sighed. Kurt laid his hand on Finkels right shoulder. "Hey, head up Freddie. It doesn't mean that he's dead. Maybe he's in captivity somewhere like you were." he said.

Freddie nodded, "yeah maybe.. or he's somewhere completely different. At a friends home maybe. I don't know." he sighed again.

"Let's go home?" Kurt asked. "Yeah.. let's go home."

Back at Kurt's home, Freddie laid down on the sofa and watched the ceiling.  _ Where are you? _ he thought.

_ Where should I search for you? _

Maybe he should go back to  _ Falkenheim. _ What if K was there? He might have returned into the small city in which they had spent 3 years. Klenzendorf had always said that this town could be good for building up a new life. A home. But  _ Falkenheim _ was in Bavaria and Finkel was in lower saxony right now.  _ What should I do Julius? _

That night Finkel dreamed of his captain. A brave man fighting until his last breath. Giving everything and a little more for the men under his command. Freddie tried to reach for dream-Klenzendorf but it seemed impossible. He just couldn't reach him at all.  _ Captain!  _ he screamed but K didn't look at him.  _ Captain K _ ! He tried again but just as before, he got no response.  _ Julius! _ Freddies scream came out in a painful sounding tune.

Only now the older man looked at him in confusion but didn't say a word.

It was when two large shadows would appear and grab Klenzendorf, tugging him away even further from Freddie.

_ No, stop! Leave him alone! _ Freddie yelled but K didn't fought back.

They stopped for a second in which dream-K looked at him, a cold glance in his eyes.  _ Traitor _ he said.

_ W..what? _ Freddie asked.

_ You little traitor.. You like  _ **_him_ ** _ don't you?  _ K asked. The scene shifted and now the shadows were grabbing Finkel. He couldn't move at all. _ What do you mean, Julius? _

Klenzendorf walked over to him and stopped in front of Finkel.  _ This guy you are staying with. Do you think I don't know how your heart skipped a beat when he smiled at you? You like him, you little rat. _ Dream-K hissed at him.

_ It is only a matter of time until you fall in love with him and betray me completely. How unloyal are you Freddie? _ Klenzendorf wanted to know.

Finkel tried to come free.  _ I would never do that to you! I love you! _ he cried out.

Dream-K only laughed but it sounded bitter.  _ No you don't _

Freddie was startled from sleep. His breath was hard and fast and he noticed tears on his cheek. He was familiar with nightmares. Freddie hated every one of them. All he wanted now was a hug from K. Finkel thought back on the memory of his last nightmare with Julius at his side.

_ "Freddie, love wake up."  _ K had shook him awake softly.

_ "W..wh..what?"  _ the younger had asked, still in shock and crying.

_ "It was only a dream. Now it's over. Come here." _

Freddie snuggled up into K's arms.

_ "It can't hurt you as long as I watch over you, my love."  _ He had smiled.

Freddie heart had melted a little. " _ I love you Julius." _

" _ I love you too." _

  
  


Now Freddie was alone. And he was sick of that. He needed to renew his plan of finding K..

  
  


In bavaria, Julius Klenzendorf stroke his fingers through his thick beard.

He had always hated the way beards had grown on his face, so he usually shaved every week. But here in the prison he wasn't allowed to keep a razor. He decided that maybe he could ask Louis if there was any chance of getting a haircut. His beard wasn't the only problem after all.

Klenzendorfs hair got a little bit longer.

He hated it. K didn't even wanted to know how he looked like.  _ Must be a mess.. _ he thought.  _ Well more than usual. _ Then he suddenly laughed, what would Freddie say to this? Would he even recognize him? Probably if he'd look him in the eyes. Klenzendorfs blind greyish right eye was quite striking. He had met many in his life who were deterred by his eye. But not Freddie, never Freddie.

Finkel knew every scar on K's body and he loved him even more for them. Had told him once that they would show what kind of man he was. A generous brave fighter. Freddie had also known him with both his eyes still functioning and a very much less scarred right side of his body.

But the way how the younger man looked at him had never changed. It was always complete adoration and love. And Klenzendorf felt the same about Finkel.  _ 17 months _ , he thought.

The next time major anderson came around, K asked him about his hair-problem. "I'll speak to my general about it. I'm sure we can do something about it." Louis said.

"I hope so. That mass of hair annoys me to hell." K grumbled.

The american laughed. "I believe it does."

It took them another week until they got someone to cut Klenzendorfs hair and shave his beard. He would have done it himself but the americans didn't trust him enough. K had rolled his eyes at that. Why should he try to kill himself or others? With a razor knife.

At least he felt a little bit more human again. The barber showed him his reflection in a mirror. Julius was shocked how ill he looked. He hadn't seen his reflection in months. K's face was pale, his eyes had dark shadows. Well he hadn't had seen the sun for seven months now. "Thank you" Julius said to the hairdresser. "No problem." the man answered and left. Louis still leaned in the doorframe. "You looked quite shocked?" he asked.

Klenzendorf nodded. "I look like a zombie. And my right eye doesn't help!" he explained and pulled the skin under his eye slightly with his index finger. "Well, I mean.. kinda?" the major tried not to laugh again.

"Wow thanks for your kind words."

"Oh come on K, you know I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." Anderson said. "If it help, I think the barber did a great job." he added.

"I'm looking kinda human again I think." K only answered.

"I've seen much worse prisoners, captain." the major assured him.

"Wait for how I look after another 17 months."


	5. Freedom?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finkel goes through a lot.
> 
> K gets to leave prison.

A whole month had passed since Freddie had been in Klenzendorfs hometown. A whole month in which Finkel had tried to find other clues that would lead him to his lover. One month full of failures. He was glad that Kurt was so generous. Freddie could stay with him and the other wouldn't even complain. On the other hand, Freddie was a little bit scared. There was something between them and the younger didn't know what exactly he felt for Kurt. By now he knew that Kurt wanted something from him. Something that Freddie believed he couldn't give him. But with every new failure his hopes to find Julius faded and his feelings for Kurt grew.

It left him confused and scared.

Kurt placed down a cup of tea next to him. "You should take a break." he muttered softly and laid his hand on Freddies shoulder. The younger one didn't complain. It was nice to feel someone caring for him again. He wanted to answer when Kurt said something that made him tense up immediately. "Come on,  _ Finkie _ ."

Freddie stared at the opposite wall.

"Don't call me that." Freddie said in a serious but still calm voice.

Kurt gave an amused chuckle "why? What's wrong with  _ Finkie _ ?"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Freddie now screamed at him. "There is only one person who is allowed to call me that and it's not you!" he hissed.

Kurt took a step backwards. Clearly surprised by Freddies sudden outburst. "I'm sorry, Freddie." he only said. Freddie sighed deeply, "No.. I'm sorry. Shouldn't have screamed at you. I apologize for that."

"It's fine really. Don't worry." Kurt replied and gave his shoulder a little squeeze. Then the older went over to the armchair.

"Hey Kurt? Thanks for the tea."

"Your welcome, Freddie."

Freddie couldn't help it but feel guilty. He didn't mean to scream at Kurt. Heck he was shocked.  _ What is wrong with me? _ he asked himself.  _ I'm usually not like this.. _ ,he thought that maybe Kurt was right. Maybe this was the right time to let go. The right time to start something new, move on, forget about his former lover. He had searched, after all. Freddie was just tired. He desperately needed someone. And maybe he could start something with Kurt but he needed time. Just a little bit more time.

Three months passed in which Freddie decided if he would take this step. And one night in Kurt's living room Finkel kissed him all out of a sudden. At first Kurt was surprised but then he smiled. "You're right… well I think you are." Freddie muttered. "So you want to try a relationship?" Kurt asked excited.

Freddie nodded, "but please be patient with me. I need time.. and I need to make little steps." Freddie said and looked at him. "It's okay Fred. We'll take it slow."

Time passed again. A few months where they had just gone out a few times, snuggled up on the sofa or just told the other some stories. Finkel enjoyed it very much. He had missed the feeling of being cared for so much. Someone that he could hug and kiss whenever he wanted. They had started dating four months ago now and Freddie still didn't know if he loved him. Something was just missing but Finkel didn't know what it was.

For now he was happy and that was everything that mattered at the moment. In their 5th month, they slept together for the first time. Freddie was laying in Kurt's arms afterwards and thought about the thing that was missing. They continued having sex from time to time and Freddie had to admit that he liked it.

His dreams about Klenzendorf had stopped completely. His thoughts about him as well.

Until one night. They had been together for nearly seven months now.

Freddie was sitting in their bed thinking when Kurt slipped into it with him, kissing him softly. "What are you thinking about, honey?" he asked him.

"Im…" he started.  _ What the hell am I doing? _ "Kurt, I can't."

"It's fine Fred we don't need to have sex tonight." Kurt answered.

"No that's not what I mean. All of this. I'm living a lie. I can't continue this." He sighed, "I gave my heart away a long time ago.. and I promised someone to love him for the rest of my life, ..which I do. I really really want to be able to be with you but..-" tears were forming in his eyes, "I can't get myself to love you. And you deserve to be loved."

Kurt had watched him the whole time. Then he stroke away freddie's tears with his thumb. "I know." he whispered with a sad smile. "I know you can't. I had hoped that maybe with time you could start loving me but I understand that you can't." Kurt nodded.

"Really?" Freddie asked.

"Yeah. I love you Freddie, I want you to be happy. And if that means that you can't stay with me then it's okay."

"I really want us to stay friends tho. I like you a lot." Freddie had took Kurt's hand. "I would like that too."

Silence began to spread between them. "I guess you'll leave this place soon?" he asked.

Freddie nodded, "I need to go. I can't see you all the time. I would feel guilty of breaking your heart."

"I understand." Kurt said.

"Thanks." Freddie smiled and gave him one last kiss before he got up and walked into the living room to start packing his stuff. He wanted to leave the next morning.

Their goodbye was short and painless. Freddie had an empty feeling on his way home tho. Something died in him when he broke up with Kurt but he tried to ignore that. Worse for him was his own betrayal. He had betrayed Julius and the guilt ate on him.

_ Forgive me my love _ . he thought and looked at the little pocket button he had left from K's uniform. Freddie knew that he would always carry that guilt with him for the rest of his life.  _ How could I do that him.  _ He looked out of the train window.  _ I never want to date anyone who isn't Julius ever again. _

He arrived at home a day later due to compilations with the train. All that Freddie wanted was to go to bed and stay there for the next couple of years.

When he unlocked the door to his parents home, his sister pulled him into a hug immediately. "I heard what happened.. I'm sorry Fred." she muttered into his shoulder. "It's not your fault Kathie." Freddie sighed. He then said hello to his mum and went straight into bed.

The next weeks were hard for Freddie. He would leave his bed only on a few occasions or to use the bathroom.

He ate less than usual. Even when there was very less to get for meal this times, Freddie would only eat a few bites. His mother was worried a lot.

When he was at home again for three months, he started to feel a little bit better. Kathie had gave him something that helped his depression. A job where he could focus on the work for a little bit. Kathie was still a nurse and helped with the many people wounded in the last days of the war, and Freddie could help her. She showed him a couple of things and after a bit of time he was a decent help for her.

Freddie smiled brightly for the first time again when he saw how happy the people were on the 8th of may. The war had been over for two years now. The joy of the citizen of  _ Frankfurt _ were contagious. Freddie sat down on the table where his family and their neighbors were already celebrating.

After the nice little party Freddie looked out of his rooms window into the night sky.  _ I hope you have a nice day Julius, wherever you are right now. _

  
  


Major Louis Anderson knocked on the door of the cell and came in. "Hey there, captain." he said and placed the little cardboard box he was carrying on the bed. "What's that?" Klenzendorf asked. "It's may 8th, K." Louis said as if it was the most clear thing there was. "Fine it's may 8th, and what is in that box?" he tried again.

"Your belongings." Louis smiled.

_ My belongings? I have belongings?  _ K thought and stood up from his place on the ground to look into the box.

Inside were a few items that the russian soldiers had taken away from him. His flask, a box with some cigarettes left in, his razor knife as well as some other items. "You guys kept the stuff?" he asked surprised.

"Yes we did. You also had something else on you when you arrived here. Even with you being unconscious you really clinged to it. I took it from you so that nobody would see. I bet they would have shot you otherwise. It's in the bag." he threw the bag over to him.

Julius looked into it and saw a pink triangle facing him.  _ Freddies cape… _

K looked at Louis with wide eyes, "Why would you keep it? Didn't you know it's meaning?"

"I do know it's meaning." the american said calmly. "And why I kept it? You were grabbing that dirty, ripped piece of fabric as if your life dependent of it. I thought it's special to you." he shrugged. "It is," K smiled, "It really is."

"Well you are a free man. Two years have passed, your punishment is over. But I would recommend that you leave the fabric in the bag." Louis gave him a knowing smile. "I.. can't thank you enough for everything." Julius said and gave him his hand.

The major grinned and pulled him into a hug. "Take care of yourself, Julius Klenzendorf." Louis said.

"You too, Louis." K answered and took all his stuff. Then they walked through the building and went outside.

The colors of the outside world were nearly too much for Klenzendorf. Oh how he had missed the sun, the blue sky, grass, everything.

He only knew that they were still in bavaria but not where exactly they were. "Could you tell me where we are before I go?" he asked his friend.

"We are 20 kilometers from  _ Falkenheim _ if you'd like to return there." he said. "But I fear you are on your own now, captain."

"It's fine. I had worse situations. Well.. thanks again. And if you ever come back to Germany feel free to visit." K smiled. "Oh I'm sure I will. If you wanna visit the states some day, I wrote down our address. It's in the bag. And now good luck."

"Bye", K nodded with a smile and started walking.

Julius jumped into the first best lake he saw. Washing away all the dirt and negative feeling he had had in the last 24 months. Water had never felt better. Then he took some time to just lay in the grass, listening to the environment and looking at the clouds.

It was late afternoon when he passed the gate of  _ Falkenheim. _

His next problem was that he had no idea where he could go. He knew nobody in the city who was still alive.

K wandered around the town,  _ wow.. they already rebuilt quite a lot here,  _ he thought. Julius did have some savings. After all the army had paid him and he never had to pay rent or anything. That money was at the bank. At least that was the place where half his wage went to. He had no idea if he was still able to get that money. The other half had went to his parents place. Maybe he would be able to use that money to get a small place here. He would need to call his parents tho. K couldn't afford to travel all the way to lower saxony.

A voice got him out of his deep thoughts. "Captain K!" the young boy yelled excited and ran to him. Julius looked down and smiled immediately. "Look at that! If that isn't Johannes  _ Jojo _ Betzler! How are ya doing kid?" he asked. "Oh we're doing okay." the twelve years old grinned. "So your  _ sister _ is still with you?"

Jojo nodded. "What about you? Where have you been? I thought the men might have killed you."

K gave him a little sad chuckle. "Prison. But as you can see I'm still alive." he answered.

"Where are you staying, captain?" Jojo asked him. "First of all I'm not a captain anymore kid so you can call me just K if you want. And the other part… I still figure that out right now." he admitted.

"You can stay with us if you want." Jojo said.  _ No Julius you can't say yes to that! _ "Oh kid that's nice but-"

Jojo didn't let him finish. "You'll stay with us." K sighed but smiled. "Alright."

They went to the Betzler home and talked about what Jojo had done in the past two years. "Elsa's working." he told K when they got into the house.

"Oh? So she is bringing the food on the table then?"

"Yeah pretty much." Jojo nodded.

K could see how much the boy had matured since the last time he had saw him. "Jojo? Could I use your phone?" Julius asked him.

"Yeah sure." the boy said and went into the kitchen to get something to eat for them. K was now dialing the number of his childhood home.

His mother picked up the phone and her voice put a smile on K's face.

"Klenzendorf, who is speaking?" she said. Julius replied: "It's me mum, Julius." the next sound K heard was a gasp from her. "JULIUS honey! God, is that really you, son?" she asked.

"It is. Missed you mom. A lot." K said, smiling. "Where are you? And why didn't you call us earlier?" Winnie needed to know. "Well.. I was in captivity until today. I'm in  _ Falkenheim  _ again, with a friend. But I actually need your help mom."

"Sure, everything. What do you need, honey?" she asked.

"Do you still have that money I sent you for years. Half of my wage every month." K explained.

"Yeah I keep it in the bedroom. Quite a lot already." she said.

"I could use that money now. I wanna get me a small place here to stay at." Julius explained.

"I see. But where should I send the money to?" his mother wanted to know. "I'll give you an address do you have something to write it down?"

"Yeah tell me."

He gave her Jojo's address. "Write Betzler on the envelope." 

"Alright." his mother replied.

"Thank you mom. I love you, tell dad I love him too hm? And I will come visit you when I'm better."

"I'm looking forward to see you again honey and we love you too. Bye Julius."

"Bye mom." she hung up the phone.

Julius went to the kitchen to help Jojo.

"I'll give two you some of the money my mother will send me. As a compensation." K told him.

"You don't have to, captain K."

_ Boy will you learn that my name is not captain K? Should I tell him to call me Julius? No I don't like Julius. Just when Finkie calls me that, that's cute. Okay then "Captain K" I guess.  _ "Oh it would be my pleasure, boy."

he said when in a measure of seconds someone hold up a knife to his head.

"Elsa!" Jojo said slightly shocked.

"What is he doing here?" she wanted to know. "I'm also glad to see you again  _ Inge _ ." K responded.  _ Wow someone holding a knife to my neck? Last time was a long time ago.  _ He thought. "He stays here. I invited him." Jojo said. Elsa took away her knife. "Well I assume we kinda owe you."

K remembered the time he had protected both of them when the  _ Gestapo  _ was there after Rosie's death.

"You two are living alone? What about your dad, kid?" K asked Jojo.

The boy shrugged. "We never heard anything from him. I think he could also be.. you know dead." he sighed.

"I'm sorry." Julius muttered.

"It's not your fault." Jojo replied.

"He could be in prison you know? Like I was." K tried to cheer him up. "Yeah maybe." Jojo said.

Elsa had now sat down as well.

"So captain  _ Klotzendorf _ -"

"Klenzendorf" K interrupted her.

"Yeah yeah. Why didn't you give me away to that  _ Gestapo _ men? You knew the birth date was wrong." she asked.

K looked at her for a few seconds.

"I had promised Rosie to protect him." he nodded into Jojo's direction, "also I know how hard it is to hide when the society doesn't want to have you." K explained. She looked at him curious, "what do you mean? Why would they hate you?" Elsa wanted to know.

"Well.. I love the wrong person."

She seemed to understand what he was saying.  _ Well she's a clever girl _ , he thought. "I see." Elsa nodded.

"I don't." Jojo replied. "You don't have to, kid. You're still young." K said with a small smile. "Mama always said when you love someone you feel butterflies inside your stomach when you think of them." jojo started.

"Well she's kinda right with that." Klenzendorf answered and ate the slice of bread Jojo had given him.

"So you feel butterflies when you look at officer Finkel?" he asked.

K nearly choked on his food. "What? Why would you think that, boy?" 

"Well I never saw you with a woman."

"Touché little man" Julius replied.

"You didn't answer my question." the young boy said.

K sighed but smiled, "I do. A lot of butterflies."

Jojo looked at him curious, "But he isn't a woman." Julius nodded "yeah he's not."

"But aren't you supposed to love women?" he asked him. K chuckled, "That's not how love works Jojo. You are supposed to love the person you want to love. It doesn't matter if it is as boy or a girl." Klenzendorf explained to him. "Unfortunately the society doesn't like it if a man likes another man or a woman likes another woman. But to answer your question, I for example like both. I did have girlfriends when I was younger. But I also had boyfriends."

Elsa looked at Jojo clearly interested how he would react to that topic.

"And  _ Herr _ Finkel is the same as you?" the boy wanted to know.

"Nearly, Finkie only likes men. He is just not interested in girls you know."

"I think I understand." Jojo said.

"And are you okay with it?" K asked him and gave him a searching look.

"Yeah.. why shouldn't I be ok with it?"

"Society says it's a sin."

"Society also said the jews are bad and Elsa clearly isn't." Jojo answered.

Julius only smiled at that.  _ Oh look at him Rosie, he became a much better person like you hoped.  _ "That's right, kid." the former captain nodded.

They continued eating and then went to bed. K insisted on staying on the sofa so he did that. When the other two were already in bed the man pulled out his flask and shook it. There was still alcohol in there. He opened it and took a sip. Tasted terrible. Julius put it back into his pocket.

Maybe he should look for some work the next days.

  
  



	6. Klenzendorfs addiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julius gets addicted.
> 
> Freddie visits Falkenheim

She couldn't believe that her son was alive and well. Winnifred Klenzendorf smiled brightly after the call while she was searching for the box with Julius' money. It was found fast and Winnie put a few more  _ reichsmark _ **[1]** _ into _ the envelope that she would send her son.

That evening the Klenzendorf family was more than happy. Julius' father Gustav was also very glad to hear the news. The next morning she asked her niece to bring the letter to the post office. It was when Winnie found the little note with Freddies address and phone number on it, that she remembered the young man who had asked for her son over a year ago. Winnie went to the telephone and called the number.

Katharina Finkel answered the phone. "This is Katharina Finkel, how may I help you?" she said. "Hello dear, this is Winnifred Klenzendorf speaking. I was looking for Frederik Finkel, he had asked me to call him if my son would show up." she explained.  "Oh! You must be captain Klotzendorf's mother, then." Kathie replied.  "Exactly that I am. I figure Frederik is your husband?" she asked.  Katharine laughed, "god no, Freddie's my brother. Unfortunately he isn't at home. He left yesterday to go on a trip around germany for a while. But I'll tell him you called."

"Yes, thank you dear. Tell him Julius called me and that he is staying in  _ Falkenheim  _ in Bavaria."

"I sure will."

"Good, if he needs something else he can call me." Winnie smiled.

"I will tell him." Kathie answered, "goodbye  _ Frau _ Klenzendorf."

"Goodbye dear." the elderly woman replied and hung up the phone.

Now Katharina just needed to wait until Freddie came home again. Whenever that would be..

In  _ Falkenheim _ , Klenzendorf had searched for a job all morning. Nobody was willing to hire him because of his blind eye. In the afternoon Julius found a little bar that needed a barkeeper. Mixing alcohol together was something he could do in his sleep so he got the job immediately. In the daytimes Julius spend some time with Jojo or alone at Jojo's place and in the evening and night he was working at the bar.  K liked the job. It felt good to be around people again. The only thing that was missing was Finkie..

After a good week, mama Klenzendorfs letter arrived.  "Who is Julius?" Jojo asked when he got the post from the letterbox.  "Oh I am." K said and took the letter from him. The young boy looked at him kinda confused.  "What? Did you think my name really is  _ captain K _ ? I do have a first name, kid." he said while he opened the envelope. "Makes sense to me." Jojo replied, then smiled. "Julius is a pretty name." the young boy said.  "I don't like it." K answered.

"Why not?"

The former captain looked at Jojo. "I just don't really like it. The only person who can say it without me disliking it is Freddie. It sounds cute when he says it." Julius smiled but it seemed sad.  He really missed the younger man.  Klenzendorf looked into the envelope and took out the money. It was definitely enough to get himself a flat.  "I'll go look for a place to move to soon." he said.  Jojo seemed not happy, "aw, but you can stay with us." he said.  "That's really nice of you kid but I think I should go look for a small flat. I don't want to bother you any longer. Also it's easier with the job." he said.

"If you say so."

"I'll be fine, little man." K smiled.

The next days, K looked for a new home. It took him some time but he eventually found a nice place with a small garden in the backyard. He immediately moved in.  Everything was working out for K quite right but his mental health didn't get better. The absence of Finkel hit him hard. Now where he was on his own even more so. One night, K had just finished working, he went home but was stopped by a man in a dark alley.  Immediately his captain senses were kicking in. "What do you want?" Julius asked in a cold voice.  "People are saying you're unhappy, captain." the man said.  "Who are you?" Klenzendorf continued. "Not important, thing is I can make you feel better." the man smiled. K didn't trust him. "Oh yeah? How?" he asked with a cold laugh.

"You ever heard of pervitin **[2]** ?" the man asked. "It's a drug. They gave it to the soldiers at the front." K nodded.

"Yes and I have lots of it. You can have some if you'd like. My prices are humane."

"Thanks no, I don't need this wonder drug. Keep your stuff." K said and continued walking. "If you need some, I'll be here, captain." The man said and vanished into the shadows.

The following nights K woke up from terrible nightmares in which he saw his Freddie suffer. Julius hated to see his lovely Finkie in pain. He just wanted to be there for him again. Protect him again. What if something happened to him? K refused to sleep the next nights. A few day he could go without sleeping but then it would be harder and harder.  The thought of this drug came back to his mind. It was said that you didn't need to sleep if you took it. Klenzendorf never wanted to take drugs but he was desperate..  The following night he went back to that alley and just like the strange man said, he was there.

"Look who's back." he said.

"Yes yes, just sell me some of your stuff." K grumbled. "You sound quite angry." the man said.  "None of your business." Julius answered. "You're right. Here you go but I'll take the money first."  K gave him the money and got a little bag in return. "A pleasure to do business with you."

Klenzendorf went back home again.

He was sitting in his living room looking at the bag unsure. Should he really take them? He didn't want to see Finkie suffer in a dream again so that was a yes.  _ I won't get addicted,  _ he told himself.  _ I'm doing this for Freddie. _

Then he took the drugs.

After some time, the pervitin kicked in. K felt a lot more awake and energetic but what he didn't know was, that his body didn't really tolerate the drug. Instead of the desired effect, violent side effects set in. Julius started to feel dizzy. He rubbed his eyes and tensed up when he heard a voice. "Wow if that isn't the mighty captain Klenzendorf. Taking drugs now are we?"  K looked into the direction where he heard the voice. His eyes went wide when he saw Freddie sitting on the windowsill. But something seemed weird about him. "Freddie?" Julius asked quietly. "You're here?"

"Nope I'm not." he replied. "I'm just your imagination. Well, sucks when your taking drugs huh? Now you think I'm here but I'm actually not. And why would I be here? I mean look at you. You're now a drug addict. Why would I still  _ love  _ you like that?" the fake Finkel asked him.  Klenzendorf looked at him with a painful expression. "Don't", he begged. "But it's the truth, Julius." With that the younger just vanished. K broke down on his sofa, feeling helpless. Maybe taking drugs wasn't the best idea after all.

The next day when the drugs effect seemed to wear of, K felt exhausted. He never thought that he would feel so vulnerable ever again.  _ No drugs again _ , he told himself. But there was also a good side to it. He felt a lot more calm for at least a while. And he hadn't had one anxiety attack since.  _ This hallucination was surely just because I took them for the first time… _ he thought.  _ Yeah that has to be it. _

So he took another load in the evening and again he saw his fake Freddie just sitting there judging him. "You're still there?" The younger asked. "What do you mean?" Julius wanted to know. "Well I thought you may have already killed yourself." Imaginary Freddie answered. "Why should I do this?" K asked shocked. "Well why should you live, Klenzendorf?" again the fake Finkel vanished. K stared at the spot for a long time.  _ Why should I live? _

_ Why should I? _ he asked himself again and looked up in an angry manner.  _ What the fuck is the boy thinking! _ K's mood had changed drastically. "Why I should live, you fucking hiding coward? Because I deserve to live!" he growled. His imaginary Freddie walked out of the kitchen and through the livingroom. "Oh you do? Why?"

"Just shut the fuck up." K yelled at him.

"Never saw you so angry, captain."

"Never saw you to be so much of an asshole, sub officer." Julius answered.  Fake Finkel only laughed at that. "I'm your imagination, if I'm an asshole then it's because you want me to be like that. Maybe I'm your guilt." he sat down on the ground. "But maybe you just are like that. Freddie doesn't deserve you you know.  The hallucination vanished when K threw one of his whiskey glasses at him. It shattered into pieces.

"Fuck you!" Julius only said.

Julius slipped more and more into the addiction and nothing would help. After a week he couldn't stop anymore. His mind told him to stop taking drugs but his body longed for them. He seemed paranoid and hectic, wouldn't leave the house if he didn't need to. He also had bad mood swings. K tried to hide his drug consumption when he was at work but the people started to notice that he seemed kinda off. One night it was particularly hard for him to stay focused. "Oh they will find out, honey." Fake Freddie was mocking him. "Shush", K whispered.  "You are an addict, you are an addict." his imagination of Finkel sung.

The following day, Jojo and Elsa came along to visit him. Of course the two noticed K's strange behaviour as well. "Are you alright, captain K?" Jojo asked concerned. "What? Of course I'm alright, kid!" Julius said full of confidence and fake joy. "You seem so nervous." the younger one replied. "I'm not nervous, I'm just a bit tired." K lied.

_ What is this kid thinking to make assumptions about me! ..stop Julius this is Jojo. It's fine he's your friend. Stay calm. _

Elsa didn't buy one second of it. When Jojo went into the kitchen to get something to drink for all of them she looked at the older man. "What did you take?" Elsa asked him seriously. "Huh? What do you mean?" Julius answered. "Don't think I'm an idiot, what kind of drugs did you take?" she asked again.  _ Wow she's good,  _ he thought. K looked down. "This is none of your business, Elsa. I'm fine, please just leave it be."

"Are you sure you are okay? I've seen people doing drugs. When I was a kid my older cousin died of it. Please don't do something stupid. Jojo really likes you." the girl told him.  "I'll watch out." K smiled at her.  "Liar", fake Freddie whispered into his ear. 

He was nearly a month on drugs now. The only thing K felt was guilt and weariness. He knew that taking drugs was one of the worst decisions of his life and that knowledge made it even worse. Julius felt defeated and he hadn't really missed that feeling at all. Last time he felt like this was when he had recovered from his eye injury in the hospital. Just that this time the real Finkie wasn't there. When he had been in the hospital Freddie had stayed with him. Now he was kinda lonely. K wanted the real Finkel around. He just wanted to take him into his arms again, kissing the younger man. Telling him that he loved him. But surely Freddie had already moved on. Maybe he was with someone else now. Julius just hoped that Freddie was happy.

K continued taking drugs and his mood kept changing on a daily basis. Imaginary Freddie would keep asking him why he was still alive as well. Julius also started to forget minor things that had happened the day before. This went on until one afternoon where Klenzendorf just couldn't take it anymore. His mental health had been on a zero point for days and he was just ready to let go. So his answer at the question why he was still alive was an angry: "I'm not for very much longer.", then he took the whole bag of pervitin that he had left from his last buy and after 10 minutes fell down to the kitchen floor, passing out for good.

On the same day a little bit earlier, Freddie had arrived in  _ Falkenheim _ .  He wanted to look how the city was doing now. Afterall Freddie had stayed three years there. He walked through the town when he heard some people talking "have you heard about Klenzendorf?"

"Yeah, they say he's taking drugs. Haven't seen him around for quite some time."

Freddie tensed immediately.  _ Julius is here?! _ he thought.  _ Where? I need to see him! Oh my god, Julius.. _

Freddie asked the people on the streets and got an address very fast.  The young man rang the bell on the door but nobody would open.  Freddie looked around and saw something that was off. K was living in the flat on the ground floor so why were the windows open? Finkel recognized that some of the windows were tilted a little. K was definitely home. Something Freddie knew for sure was, that Julius  _ never _ left any windows open when he went out. And this was something he wouldn't forget.

Freddie somehow panicked a little bit. When K was home, why wouldn't he answer the door? That didn't seem like him. The younger man took another look around and saw a small garden wall a few meters away. He went to the wall and climbed over it when nobody would see him.  _ Never thought I would break into anything _ .

Freddie scanned his environment. The garden was very small but he seemed to be on the right spot. Now he needed to be fast so that the neighbors wouldn't call the police.  He went over to the patio door which was open as well.  _ Lucky me.  _ Freddie slipped into the flat. "Julius" Finkel asked but got no answer.  The living room was empty. Freddie changed rooms and walked into the hallway. "Juliu-" he stopped when he saw his former captain laying on the kitchen floor. "Jesus.. Julius!" Freddie rushed over to him and fell to his knees, checking for K's pulse. It was there but felt quite slow. "God, please stay with me." the younger one begged and went to the telephone to call an ambulance.

Then he opened the front door and went back to K. "The medics will help you, love. Just keep strong." Freddie muttered and tried to stay calm.  Just now he saw the empty back of pervitin next to K.  _ Did he take drugs?!  _ Freddie thought.  _ Why would Julius take drugs? Wait a second… did he try to kill himself?! _ Finkels eyes widen.

When the medics arrived Finkel tried to fill them in as good as he could. Luckily they could still help him but one of the medics told Freddie how scarced it had been. "Can I stay with him?" Freddie asked.  "Are you part of his family?" the medic wanted to know. Finkel shook his head, "well no.. but I'm his best friend."

"Usually we only let family members stay with the patients."

"Please!" Freddie begged. "I feel like he needs me."

The medic sighed. "Okay fine, we'll make an exception just this one time."

"Thank you very much." Freddie smiled at him.

The young man crawled into the ambulance next to the passed out K. Then they went into the hospital.  There the doctors tried everything to keep him from dying of an overdose.  It was hard but they could get him stable again. Freddie thanked god more than once.  He was sitting next to Klenzendorf's bed, watching the "sleeping" man in front of him. One of the doctors came into the room. " _ Herr  _ Finkel you really don't need to stay here. He'll be out for the next hours. Maybe he'll be out for the next  _ days _ . We just need to wait." the doctor said. "I'll stay. I'm his best friend. I was his right hand for quite some time, I won't leave him. Whatever danger may come." Freddie explained. "Very well then" the doctor nodded and left.

Finkel sighed and took K's hand in his own. "It will be alright. I'll stay with you Julius. I won't leave you again." Freddie muttered. Just now he had time to look at his former captain. He looked somehow ill. His face was pale and there were dark circles under his eyes. Freddie wanted to help him so badly. His captain was still handsome tho. At least for Freddie there wasn't someone as beautiful as Julius.  _ My handsome captain, we'll be okay. You and me as we always wanted,  _ he thought. 

  
  


**[1]** the basic monetary unit of the Third Reich, replaced in 1948 by the Deutschmark.

**[2]** Methamphetamine who was released by the company  _ Temmler  _ in 1938 under the name of  _ Pervitin _ . It was used to boost the soldiers at the front lines in the Blitzkrieg.


	7. Unconscious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julius is still passed out in the hospital and Freddie is with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very short filler chapter. The next one is longer again.
> 
> I wonder if anyone still reads this thing.

One week had passed since Klenzendorf was taken to the hospital. Finkel had spent the whole time next to K's bed. Making sure that he was okay, even if he was still unconscious.

Nurse Emma just came into the room, handing Freddie a cup of coffee like she did every morning for the last few days. "He's not awake, still you refuse to leave his side, Freddie. Aren't you tired?" she asked him. Finkel smiled at her, "I'm fine Emma, thank you." he looked at Klenzendorf again. "And yeah, I'm still here. I won't go anywhere now. I'm his dearest friend. He needs me when he wakes up."  Emma smirked, "he can be really happy to have a friend like you."

"I hope so." Freddie replied and took a sip of the coffee.  "The doctor said he wants to have a look at the captain later, just that you know." Emma then told him.  "Yeah okay."  The nurse patted him gently on the shoulder and left the room.

"Just the two of us again, captain." Finkel said with a small smile. "I bet you'd like that." the younger man went to the window and opened it a little bit.  _ I'm really glad they gave him a single room,  _ Freddie thought. "I wished I would be able to get your favourite flowers for you but I fear that's impossible right now. Sorry, Julius." Finkel sad down again.  "You know when I was in captivity we had a small garden and I planted them, your favs I mean. It took me days to get pink hyacinths." he smiled at that.  _ I should really write to Hannes and the boys. Maybe they are at home now too.  _ "I think the problem is that you always have to be so damn extra, love." Finkel laughed. "Why can't you like roses like everybody else or something that is easier to get." he said. Of course K didn't answer. Freddie sighed a little bit, "I really missed you, Julius. I wish you'd be awake so that I could properly talk to you."

Early afternoon the doctor came along to check on K like Emma had told Finkel. "So, how is he, doctor?" Freddie asked. "Well,  _ Herr  _ Finkel captain Klenzendorf seems to be okay. But I also have some bad news. The test that we made showed that his brain has suffered. I believe that he might have some memory lapses when he wakes up. That don't have to be the truth tho. Maybe he'll be just fine. We'll have to wait and see." the doctor said. Finkel only nodded. He needed a moment to understand what the doctor was saying to him.  _ He'll be fine. _

On the next day, Jojo and Elsa entered the room. They seemed surprised to see Finkel sitting there next to K.  "Oh, hello  _ Herr _ Finkel." Jojo said.  "Hey boy." Finkel replied, remembering the kid who handgranated himself. He also nodded at the girl who was his sister if he remembered right. He had forgotten her name tho.  "How is he?" Elsa asked. "Stable but he could be better." Freddie said. "Urgh and i told him not to do something stupid. I knew it. Taking drugs always ends like this."

Finkel looked at her interested, "You knew about it?"  Elsa nodded, "we visited him. I noticed that he was taking drugs right from the start but the idiot wouldn't take any help. Told me he would watch out." she explained. "Typical," Freddie answered. "Will he be okay?" Jojo asked now really concerned.  Freddie tried to give him a smile, "yeah of course he will. He's captain K. He'll always be okay." the former sub officer said. Jojo also smiled a little and nodded. "Good." the boy replied.  Elsa looked at K for a moment. "He looks horrible. When he was staying with us he had looked pale and a bit ill but now he looks like death is knocking on his door. What must he be going through.." Elsa muttered. "I do hope he doesn't feel that much pain." Freddie admitted. Jojo sat down next to Finkel then, "Captain K loves you", the kid said. Freddie turned to him. "And you came to that conclusion because what?"

"He said that." Jojo just shrugged.  "Oh. Well I love him too." Finkel answered. "Will he wake up soon?" Jojo wanted to know. Freddie only sighed, "I dunno boy. I hope so. He's unconscious for a week now."

"I'm sure he's glad that you are staying with him." Jojo said.  Freddie smiled at that.

The next day the two of them were alone again. Freddie was sitting on Julius' bed, caressing K's hand softly. "Do you remember the few nights we stayed in Berlin? We danced the whole evening in your room. I hope we can dance together again soon, my captain." he smiled lovingly. "I just wanna stay in your arms again." the young man added.  _ I need you, Julius... wake up.. please. _

The next days continued to be quiet. Finkel would stay with the unconscious K, waiting for him to recover. Nearly two weeks after they came to the hospital, Julius finally shifted in his "sleep". Freddie smiled brightly, "Julius?" he asked. The older man blinked a few times until he looked at Finkel in confusion. "Hey, how are you?" Freddie asked him.  "..good?" K answered him still trying to understand his situation.  "You were out for nearly two weeks. I was kinda worried about you. Do you remember what happened?" Finkel told him. K shook his head and looked around the room. "I have some questions." he started.  "Ask. What can I tell you?" Freddie answered. Julius turned back to him.

"First of all, do I know you?"


	8. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> K starts to recover.  
> Finkel is with him.

Freddie stared at him for a moment. Then he said: "very funny, Julius." But K didn't move one muscle in his face. "Do I look like I'm joking?" he asked seriously. Freddie didn't know what to do. "I.. well… uhm.." the younger stammered. "You could answer my question or are you a spy?" Julius watched him like a wild animal watched its prey. "I'm no spy! Why would I be a spy?!" Freddie replied.

"Just because you speak perfectly german doesn't mean that you couldn't be an american or british spy, here to get the secrets of the mighty german  _ Reich  _ out of me."  Finkel couldn't help but laugh at that. "Why the fuck are you laughing?" K asked him. "It's just so absurd. Okay look. I'll show you that I'm no spy and in fact close to you and then we talk, deal?" the younger asked.  "Fine" K muttered, "But I don't know how you want to prove that."

"I know your full name." Freddie said.  Julius laughed, "My full name is stated in every file. Looking up that my name is captain Julius Klenzendorf isn't that hard and doesn't prove anything." K said. "I didn't mean that, silly. I meant your second name."

"Nobody knows my second name."

"Well I do. It's Franz and you hate it even more than Julius." he said.  Klenzendorf looked at him surprised. "Why would I tell you? Only my family knows this. I never tell anyone. Who are you?" K asked him, much more friendly now. "I'm Freddie Finkel, I was your right hand and.. a bit more."

_ FINKIE!  _ K thought,  _ Finkie? Who's Finkie? _ Julius asked himself. It didn't matter because whoever that young man was, K felt strangely close to him.  "Hey Finkel, what happened to my eye?" Julius asked. "You lost it in the war." Freddie answered. "I lost it? When? Is that why I am in the hospital?"

Freddie seemed confused at his question. "Julius what do you think which year it is?" he asked the older.  "1941 of course." K answered. "And I need to go back to my men at the front so why am I here?" he demanded to know. "K.. the war is over for two years now. It's 1947. You lost your eye in 1942 same year I became your adjutant. After that you were training the HJ guys here in  _ Falkenheim _ ."

Julius looked at him as if Finkel tried to make a joke. "You are kidding"

"No I'm not, captain."

"That can't be my life, this is horrible. Did we at least win?" He asked.  "No." Finkel answered. K looked at the ceiling and sighed. They stayed silent for a moment. "Why am I here, Finkel?" he asked then, sounding tired.  "Drug overdose." Freddie answered.

"Drug overdose?! Me?"

Finkel nodded, "yeah. I reacted the same way." the younger man said.  _ How can you not remember me? Why are you so cruel, Julius? _

Julius seemed very quiet. "Are you okay?" Freddie asked. "I don't know." K replied. "It's all a bit much to be honest." Julius added. "I can understand that.." Finkel said. "You said you were a bit more to me. What did you mean by that?"  _ What should I tell him now? The truth?  _ "We.. well we were some kind of partners." he tried to explain.  "Lovers?" Klenzendorf asked.  "More. At least for me. But you said that too. Your wish was it to be able to live in a small house near a river one day." Freddie told him.  K looked at the opposite wall, clearly in thoughts. A memory hit his mind.

_ "You know what Freddie? I'd love to live near a river.."  _

Julius turned back to him. "Alright. I guess I need to think. It'll take some time. I'm sorry I can't remember you clearly. You must feel horrible right now.." he said. Freddie gave him a small smile. "It's okay. We'll get through it, captain." the younger answered. K also smiled now. "Thank you for being here. I may not know your face right now but I really appreciate your loyalty."

"Always, Julius." Freddie said in a loving voice. That look gave K another memory fragment. Just a voice, this young man's voice.

_ "I'll always love you, my captain." _

_ "I'll always love you too, Freddie." _

He heard himself say in his head.

Finkel and Klenzendorf continued talking about this and that. K asked things, Freddie answered. Julius laughed and smiled a lot. Oh how Freddie had missed that smile.

The doctors decided that K should stay another few days in the hospital, so that they could observe him. Freddie agreed to sleep at K's apartment. Finkel thought about that he should look for a place to stay when K came out of the hospital. Freddie was sure that Klenzendorf wouldn't want him to stay around. After all Freddie was like a stranger to him right now..

"Finkel where are you from?" K asked him one day in the hospital. " _ Frankfurt" _ he told him. "That's quite the way. Where are you staying?"

"Uhm actually I'm staying nowhere right now. The day you went to hospital was the day of my arrival. I've slept in the hospital as long as you were unconscious. The last few days I stayed at your place." he told him.  "I have a home here?" Julius asked.  Freddie nodded. "Do you wanna stay with me as long as you are here?" K wanted to know. "Of course, yeah sure." Freddie replied. "That would ne kind of you." Julius only shrugged, "you are helping me with all of this. The least I can do is give you a home, Finkel."

A few days later K could go home again and Freddie took him to his apartment. "Hey I do remember this place!" Klenzendorf said happily. "That's good!" Freddie answered. "Maybe your memory is coming back. Any ideas about our relationship?"  K looked at him. "Nope, sorry. Nothing." The former captain answered. "It's ok, you'll remember sooner or later." Freddie smiled.  "I really hope so, Finkel." Julius sight.

_ It's so weird to be called by my last name by him. I'm used to Freddie or Finkie,  _ Freddie thought.

That night Klenzendorf couldn't sleep well. Sleep was something he didn't really get the last nights anyway. There was way too much stuff going on inside his head. And with all this memory fragments hitting him..  K stood up and went to the living room where Finkel slept on the sofa.  The older man got himself a glass of water when he heard noises. Finkel spoke in his sleep. As it seemed not a pleasant dream.  "No…. Ju..ius.. please.." Finkel stammered in his nervous sleep. Sounded kinda scared.  "Don't… please stay…" Freddie whined.  _ Finkie's afraid, do something! _

This particular tune of his voice…. K remembered that he had heard it before. Yes! In that backyard when they went into captivity. Suddenly he could remember that time again. Julius saw Finkels scared look when they had took him away from Freddie.  He needed to act.

"Finkel! Finkel wake up." K said and softly pushed against Freddies shoulder. The younger man woke up clearly scared. "Captain?" he muttered but K had already pulled Finkel into a hug. "It was just a bad dream. You're okay now. I'm here." K told him and caressed the hair on the back of Freddies head. Finkel enjoyed the closeness to his captain very much while he was still a little bit trembling. "Schhh it's okay Finkel." K smiled. Freddie hid his face in Klenzendorfs shirt. "Hey Finkel look at me." Julius said softly. Freddie looked up and was immediately greeted by K's lips ons his own. The former sub officer returned the pressure to Klenzendorfs lips, wanted to stay in this kiss forever but he shoved him away anyway. "Don't… don't kiss me out of pity, Julius. Don't do that to me." there were tears forming in Freddies eyes. He would rather never kiss the love of his life again than being kissed by him out of pity or because K saw some kind of toy in him. "But I didn't." K said. "I didn't kiss you out of pity. I kissed you because I wanted to."

"Why would you want to kiss me?" Freddie asked. "Why? Because you are handsome and nice and so soft and I do remember fragments of  _ us.  _ I want to get that back. All of it. I want you back." he explained. Finkel laid his hand against K's cheek, "You never lost me. I'm with you till the end, like I promised you over and over again."

K remembered the promises.

The first one was in 1942 when they were attacked. (K knew meanwhile what had happened while he was with the tank corps at the eastern front).

It was in that particular night where he had sat on the tank gun.

_ "I'll always stay with you, my captain" _

The second time was in Berlin after the injury.  _ "I don't care if you lost your eye, captain. I will stay with you anyway." _

The third time was when they had arrived in Falkenheim.  _ "Captain? I'll stay with you to the end of time and back." _

The forth time was shortly before they thought they would die.  _ "I'll always love you, Julius." _

Julius smiled but it got sad really fast. "I can't tell you I love you. I wish I could but I still don't feel it. I don't feel like knowing you well. It's so frustrating. Everything you told me about us sounds amazing and I want to get that back. I wanna feel love for you again but all there is is this black hole of confusion and emptiness." K told him. Freddie could only nod with a sad look in his eyes. "You don't need to apologize." he said. But K shook his head, "Yes I do! This would have never happened if I wouldn't have taken drugs. I ruined my life and yours as well. This is all my fault and I'm so deeply sorry that I hurt you, Finkel." Julius said.  "Go back to bed, Captain." Freddie said, sounding powerless.

"Come with me?" K asked but now the younger one shook his head. "I don't think this is a good idea. Good night, Julius." Freddie said.  "Night Finkel." Klenzendorf replied, feeling some kind of sting in his heart and went back to bed.

On the following day Katharina came for a visit. Finkel had called her a few days ago and she had immediately felt that her older brother needed someone to talk to. Freddie went to pick her up from the station and the two of them went back to K's apartment. "So Freddie, what exactly happened?" she wanted to know.  The older sighed, "Julius took an overdose of pervitin. Seemed like he wanted to kill himself in his state of mind. I found him unconscious on the ground and called an ambulance.  The doctors said he was lucky I found him. Bad news are that the drug affected his brain and he thought it was 1941 when he woke up last week.  He still doesn't remember much but it's better. Julius doesn't seem to remember much of me, though."  Katharina took him into her arms. "Oh my poor big brother. If I can do anything…"

"Then I'll tell you. Come on now, time to meet him."

They went into the house. "Captain, we're back!" Freddie said. "Welcome back, Finkels." K answered. He stood up from his place on the sofa and went over to them. "You must be Finkels sister. It's a pleasure to meet you." Julius said and kissed Katharinas hand. The woman laughed, "oh a charmer. It's a pleasure for me as well, Captain Klenzendorf." she smiled at him. "Oh Please, call me K. It's much easier." he replied. "And for you it's Katharina or Kathie." Katharina told him. They sat down and Freddie went into the kitchen to get them some tea.  "So K, I heard about your memory problem." Katharina said.  "Yeah.. really nasty." K answered, "I would love to be able to remember Finkel completely."

"What do you remember?"

K turned his gaze to the kitchen and back to Kathie, "well I know that he and I are close. I can feel that. I don't feel the love for him I seemingly had, though. I do hope to get that back." K explained. "This must be hard for the both of you." Katharina replied. Julius shrugged, "sure it is. But we try."

"I'll see if I can help Freddie." She then said and went to the kitchen.  Katharina stepped next to her brother.  "He seems nice." she said. "He is. He's a wonderful man. It's a pity that you have to meet him like this." Freddie answered. "You are suffering under all of this stuff huh?" Kathie asked softly. Now Finkel sighed. "Well… you see, spending time with him after two years is great. More than I had hoped for. But in that living room sits the army Captain Klenzendorf, I miss the real K,  **_my_ ** Julius." Freddie told her.

In the living room K looked down. He had heard Finkel and felt incredible guilty. He just wanted to remember finally. Wanted his life back. K closed his eyes and tried to remember. But as hard as he tried, nothing would come to his mind.  _ Why can't I remember! _

Katharina stayed with them for a few days until she went home again. She had told Freddie about K's mother so the young man had called her to thank her and tell her the news. K on the other hand still tried to remember. Small things helped him. More and more memories came back to his mind. K tried to combine them, seeing clearly through this big mess of fragments. After some time he got the hang of it. He didn't tell Freddie tho. Klenzendorf wanted to get this shit together by himself. With every new memory, K's need to have Freddie close grew. Julius couldn't describe it. It was like falling in love with Finkel all over again. K often thought about that kiss they had shared that other night. He wanted more. Wanted his Freddie. After all the younger man was attraktiv and had a great personality. But K knew that if he tried anything, Finkel would feel like he was toying with him and that was something Julius definitely didn't want. So he waited and tried to remember some more. After all this was about  _ his Finkie _ .


	9. Love of a captain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> K remembers and Finkie is as happy as never before. He also wants a ring

Freddie was staying with Julius for nearly a month now. It reminded him a lot of his first week with K in 1942. He had to admit that Julius' memory problem got a little better by now, though. Still, Freddie wished for K to get all the lost pieces back together. The former sub officer had just returned from grocery shopping. "K I'm back." he said while walking into the kitchen. "You're fast, Finkel." Julius answered. That made Freddie smile. "Well, you learn a lot of things if you have to work for a boss like I had." the younger man joked and started to unpack the bag. K had walked into the kitchen as well. "Wow must have been an assho- wait a minute you worked for me!" Julius replied and couldn't hide a grin. "Jep", Freddie answered with a laugh. K threw one of the pillows after him. "Hey!" Finkel complained, now laughing. "Revenge!" Julius replied. They both laughed.

"Will you make lunch?" Klenzendorf then asked. "Yeah, I got a new bag of potatoes. I wanted to do fried potatoes and some eggs. Ok with you?"

"Sounds marvelous, Finkel." K answered. "Alright then, lunch will be ready in half an hour."  Julius walked back into the living room. He was working on a book where he could write down things that came to his mind. Even if it was simple things like a memory of a HJ kid.  He immediately thought about Jojo. K didn't need long to remember the little boy with the big scar on his face. With Finkels help he remembered everything about Jojo and then also about Elsa. After they had visited the other day, K remembered the time he had stayed with the two.

His book was full with fragments of memories. There was more than one page about Finkel. Finkie was his first priority. His goal was to get the memories about Freddie back.  Lots of them had already came to his mind. It helped that Freddie stayed with him. Just watching the younger man sometimes got K some memories back. For example, he remembered the pet name. Finkie, .. _.my Finkie, when can I take you into my arms again?"  _ Julius wanted to tell Freddie. Tell him that he had started to remember, but he didn't. He wanted to be able to tell him that he had all his memories back.

But something was still missing. It felt like he only needed one more puzzle piece for the whole picture.  _ What is it? What do I need to find, to see, so that I'll remember?  _ He asked himself. K had tried numerous things related to his past. Freddie had showed him some photographs that Katharina had brought with her but that wasn't it. He also had looked at pictures of the tanks he had worked with at the eastern front just to get the same reaction, nothing.

This continued for a few weeks. K really didn't know what he should try next. Speaking to people he knew didn't help, photos didn't help. Even the game Finkel had come up with to help him remember didn't solve the puzzle. The younger man had the idea that Julius should name something he thought to remember and Finkel would tell him if it was right or wrong. It had helped K to gather some more information for his notebook tho.  But now, nearly two month of being out of the hospital, K had enough. He desperately needed to solve all of this. For his sake and for Finkies.

K wandered around the apartment. Finkel wasn't home. The younger man was out for work, said that someone needed to get them some money and he wanted Julius to recover. The former captain stopped in the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee (or whatever that stuff was they could get in this hard times). Just as he switched on the coffee machine, a small bag caught his good eye. Curious Julius took it from behind the sugar box and looked closely at it. When he saw exactly what it was he just dropped it, in shock. He couldn't even tell why he reacted like that but his head started to hurt. The small bag of drugs hit the ground. K leaned against the kitchen counter, holding his head with his right hand. This had happened to him quite a few times when he remembered things but never as hard as now.  Piece after piece he remembered what had happened. The drugs, the captivity, the time in  _ Falkenheim  _ before and after his punishment, the time with the HJ kids and most important Freddie. He could remember everything that the two had gone through and he just cried.

_ God.. what must I have done to Freddie. He must have suffered so much this last months.. my poor, strong Finkie. _

After he finished crying he started laughing. Laughing out of joy about his memories. About all the stuff he saw clearly now. Finally he was back to his normal self. Finally he could surprise Finkie with this. Who could have thought that the thing that started this mess was the answer to his memory problem. The first thing K did after he had calmed down was burning the bag. He never wanted to see one single drug in his life again. Then he poured all his leftover alcohol into the garden. That was the hardest part but K knew alcohol was also a drug and he needed to stay away from it. Regarding the alcohol at least for now.  After that Julius thought of a way to tell Freddie..

The next day was a sunday so Finkel could stay home with K. Julius had got the newspaper from the mailbox and was now sitting in his armchair. Freddie was sitting on the sofa reading a book. K looked over to Freddie, he would tell him now. "Hey  _ Finkie _ ?" he asked. Freddie looked up, "yeah? -wait. Did..you just call me  _ Finkie _ ?" Freddie wanted to know. "Did I? Huh strange." the older one replied, hiding a smile. "Anyway, what did you want?" the former sub officer asked.  "I wanted to know why you are still sitting there." Julius replied. Now Finkel was confused. "What do you mean?" he put his book aside.  "Well usually when I'm reading the newspaper you are sitting on my lap."  Finkel watched him with wide eyes. "...you remember that?"  Now K chuckled a little, "actually I do remember quite some things about you." he answered.  "Julius, what do you remember?" Freddie asked, hope in his whispering voice. K gave him a small smile, "lets see.. I remember: tulips, the color yellow - a bright yellow, gardening, red wine - the sweet one, apple pie, fear of small places and you are in love with a half blind asshole with an unhealthy love for whisky." Now K was grinning at him. Finkel could only stare at the former captain for a few seconds. Then he said "you do remember.." Julius wanted to nod but Freddie had jumped up from his position and crossed the distance between them just to let himself fall into K's arms. The older one chuckled, "Careful Finkie! Careful!" he laughed while pulling him into a hug. "I missed you so much, Julius!" the younger couldn't help but cry. "Hey- don't cry my love, it's okay. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this. Can you forgive me?" K asked. "There is nothing to forgive, Julius." he snuggled up to his captain. "You really remember everything?" the younger dared to ask. "Every second of our life together." K replied, taking Finkels face in his hands. "And I promise that I'll never ever forget you again." he whispered before kissing the other man. The kiss was long and full of love and the feelings that they had put away the last two years. "I love you, Freddie." K muttered against Finkel's lips. "Love you too, captain." Freddie smiled brightly. They enjoyed the closeness for a few seconds. "I never want to lose you again." the younger said. That made K thinking. "Finkie?"

"Hm?" Finkel replied. "Marry me, Freddie." Julius said. The former sub officer looked up at him, "what?! How do you think that is possible?"

"I don't need a fucking piece of paper telling me you're my husband. We'll do a small ceremony just for us. What do you say? Do you wanna marry me? I'll get you a pretty ring." Klenzendorf grinned. The younger one seemed a bit overwhelmed, but he nodded. "Well, yes.. yeah of course I want that." Freddie now grinned as well.  "Excellent!" the older kissed him again.

"I do want my ring." Freddie then said.  That made K laugh. "You'll get one. Everything for  _ my  _ Finkie." the former captain said and caressed Finkels hair.  "Lets go to bed." Freddie decided. "It's 9 o'clock AM." Julius replied. "So? I wanna cuddle. I haven't cuddled with you in two years!" Freddie argued.  "Yeah fine, fine." K laid his arms around him and stood up without dropping Finkel. "You can set me down now." Freddie said. "Yeah I could but I don't wanna." K answered with a smile and carried the other man to the bedroom. Julius sat him down on the bed there. "You in my bed, I had always hoped to see that again." Julius said and crawled into bed with his younger lover. "Well I quite like your beds." Freddie grinned and pulled K into a kiss. "Hm I missed this." K muttered and enjoyed every kiss.  "Me too, Julius." Finkel replied.  That night they slept together and it had never felt better.

The next morning Freddie awoke in K's arms. He had forgotten how nice this was. Finkel caressed softly Julius' hair.  A smile was shown on the older ones face before he said: "good morning, love."  Freddie chuckled, "morning." Then Klenzendorf turned to Freddie and kissed him. "How did you sleep?"

"Good. No nightmares." he replied.  Only now K saw the kinda sad look on Finkels face. "Finkie what's wrong? You look like your dog just died."

"It's… nothing." he sighed.

"Freddie.." K took the younger mans face in his hands. "You can talk to me."

"It's… argh I can't keep that in. Julius I need to tell you something." Freddie tried not to start crying.  "Hey..what is it, honey?"

"I...I cheated on you, Julius!" Finkel said, starting to cry anyway.  K watched him silently.  "Okay." he answered then.  "Okay? That is all? No yelling, no fighting, just okay?" Freddie asked.  "Well what do you wanna hear?"

"I- i don't know.." he admitted, looking lost. "I just did it because I was so desperate.. you know? Because I haven't found you after captivity. And a friend of my sister helped me. He's a really nice guy I like him, and and.. I mean.. I didn't even know if you were still alive…"  K sweeped away a tear from Freddies cheek. "Freddie it's fine. You couldn't know if I was alive or dead. I won't be angry. Why didn't you stay with him tho?" he asked. "I couldn't. I ended the relationship after a few months. I just.. couldn't love him. I like him a lot but it was just sex for me. There was always you. My heart only belongs to you." Freddie explained.  K smiled at that. "Aw, Freddie you are adorable."

Freddie shrugged, "It's true. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you." he said. "That's good because I want to spend my life with you too. These two years in captivity I could only think of seeing you again. The only thing that kept me going." K told him.  "I wanted to ask you about your POW time since I saw you again weeks ago. Can I?" he asked. K nodded, "what do you wanna know?"

"Did they hurt you? Where were you? What happened and how was it?" Freddie asked. K seemed thoughtful.

"Well I was here in Bavaria. Not that far from  _ Falkenheim.  _ I stayed in a prison guarded by russians and americans. And well I owe my life to an american who helped me because I helped his brother years ago. Anyway, how was it? Yeah well boring. Very boring. Said american played chess with me once a week that helped. What was the other question? Ah yes, if they hurt me. Well yeah sometimes they kicked me but never that hard as that I thought I'd die from it." he explained.

Finkel looked sad, "I'm sorry they treated you like that.."

"Well, Finkie I'm an officer. What about you? Was your POW time okay?"  Finkel nodded, "I actually made friends. I was in england in a POW camp with some other prisoners. My best friend there, Hannes, was with the  _ Kriegsmarine  _ in france."

" _U-Bootwaffe?"_ **[1]** K asked. Freddie nodded. Klenzendorf rolled his eyes. "They always think so high of themselfs. Like they were the better group."

"Hannes isn't like that. Anyway it was quite okay there. We had our own garden and if we worked then they would be nice to us. The commanders adjutant liked me."  K laughed, "Everybody likes you, Finkie." he said. "Except you, you love me." Freddie grinned. "Yeah I love you." Julius nodded with a smile. Freddie snuggled back under the covers against Klenzendorfs chest.  "I missed this, just being able to cuddle with you in bed. Lets not get up today." Freddie yawned. Julius laughed a little. "Fine. Your wish is my command."

"Naw stop that, captain." Finkel grinned. "Finkie I'm not your captain anymore." K replied. "You'll always be my captain, Julius." Freddie explained then. "Yeah okay fine. Call me what you like, my love."

They stayed in bed for the whole morning, talking about their "Adventures" and trying to catch up two years of missed kisses. "My sister likes you a lot." Freddie told him. "She's nice yeah." K answered, "but you're better." he added with a big smile. "Oh shut up." Freddie laughed. "Your mom is pretty nice. She helped me a lot." the younger then said.  "You met my mom?" K wanted to know. "Well Yes. She helped me with finding you." Finkel said.  "And then she just adopted you?" K asked with a smirk. "I was only at hers one time. Kurt helped me."

"Your ex?" Julius wanted to know. Finkel nodded. "Did you..tell her about us?" K watched him closely. "No I told her I was your right hand and that I needed to speak to you." Freddie said.  K sighed but smiled, "good. My family doesn't know. That I'm bi, I mean. Just because I had a one or two girlfriends they probably think I'm straight."

"Would your parents be angry?"

"I don't know.. maybe my dad. My mom would be at least better with it I believe." Klenzendorf looked at the blanket. "My mother doesn't know as well. My sister does. She's fine with it as you know. I just couldn't tell mom… she always wanted for me to have a nice wife and kids.." Freddie explained.

"Well.. am I a pretty wife?" K grinned at him. "Shut up, K." he laughed.  "Look now you are happy again. Come here." Julius said and kissed him.  "Love you Julius." Finkel smiled. "I love you too, Freddie." K answered.

In the next days Freddie phoned some people to let them know about K's recovery. He also told Kurt that he had found K. Julius and Freddie decided to go visit K's family and then Freddies to tell them. They wanted to stay the rest of their lifes together so their families could either respect that or leave them alone. What they knew for sure was that they wanted to leave  _ Falkenheim _ . Maybe move to a place somewhere outside the city. K did want to stay near enough for Jojo to visit. Of course it wasn't his duty to watch the boy but he had started to like the little guy. And also felt like he owed Rosie.

"Finkie, you're ready? Packed everything?" K yelled through the apartment. "Yeah 'm ready, Captain!" Freddie came out of the bed room with their luggage. "Well then lets go to my parents." K said. Freddie smiled and kissed his boyfriend. "I won't be able to do that for a long time sadly."  Julius shrugged, "you can kiss me at my parents home when we are save in my old room."

"I'll stick to it."

[1] A special group in the Kriegsmarine. The submarine forces of the german Reich lead by Karl Dönitz.


	10. Family buissnes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julius and Freddie visit their families

"I hate long train journeys." Freddie groaned. "Well  _ Herr  _ Finkel I'm sorry that I'm from lower saxony." his captain answered while looking through the newspaper. Finkel groaned again, trying to get K's attention. "You're unbelievable Freddie!" Klenzendorf said after the third time.

"And you're mean to me!" Finkel answered. "I'm mean to you?! How?"

"You're forcing me to do this train trip."

K looked at him dead serious. "First of all  _ Finkel _ , I've never forced you to do anything! You said this trip would be a good idea. And second, I was never mean to you. You should have seen me in 1939 or early 1940 then you would know what it looks like if I am being  _ mean _ ." he said. The atmosphere was tense. Freddie looked away, not knowing what to say. "You! Argh. Forget it!"

"What?!" K shot back angry.

"You could at least pretend that you care about me feeling uncomfortable." Freddie said with a sad face.

Now K's whole anger vanished and he took the younger in his arms. Thank god they had their own train cabin. "Finkie.., you know I care about your feelings." Klenzendorf spoke softly and kissed the other man's cheek. "I love you." he whispered into Finkels ear, knowing how dangerous it was. " 'm sorry for yelling at you.." K added.

Finkel appreciated his effort. "Stop being cute Julius, I can't be angry otherwise." Freddie laughed softly.

"But you love it when I'm being cute." K replied. "Yeah true. But I do love you always."

"Finkie I have something for you." Klenzendorf smiled brightly. "Yeah? Julius you know you don't have to make me gifts." Freddie said.

K nodded, "true, true but this one you wanna have believe me." Klenzendorf got a small box out of his pocket.

Freddies eyes widen. "Is that what I think it is?" the former sub officer asked. "Well, look if it is."

Freddie opened it and saw the beautiful wedding ring. It was a simple silver ring that had a small yellow stone on the top. "Wow it's gorgeous, Julius!" Finkel said amazed. "And it is all yours. Also it's unique, I requested it. Wanted it to be a one of a kind ring for my one of a kind boyfriend." he explained with a loving smile. Freddie was beaming with happiness now. Julius was the most precious human being ever. "You really are the best, captain." he said. "So you like it?" K needed to know. Hope in his good eye.

"I love it. I love you." Freddie whispered and wanted nothing more than to kiss the older man but it was in fact way too dangerous. The one time K did it was enough trouble.

So Freddie gave K the little box back and held out his hand. Julius understood and put the ring on Finkels finger. Freddie admired the beautiful ring there. For strangers it looked like he was married, perhaps to a beautiful young woman. But for Finkel it stood more for some kind of a promise. The promise that they would stay together, facing every problem as a team. "Do you have a ring as well?" Freddie asked him. "Of course. A similar one with your name in it." he said.

"You are kidding."

"No I'm not!" K took out a chain from under his shirt, that was hanging around his neck and on the end was a plain silver ring. Klenzendorf held the ring for Freddie to look at the inside and there he saw very small the letters  _ F. F-K _

"F. F-K?" Freddie asked.

"Well I thought your full name was too dangerous so I went with your initials." K explained. "So Frederik Finkel I see but for what stands the K?" he seemed like he didn't understand.

"Klenzendorf of course!" Julius answered him, "If we're getting married then I thought maybe you'd like to have my name. Unofficial of course." K nodded. Freddie looked another time at the ring. "Yeah I'd like that."

"My initials are in yours as well." the former captain then said. Freddie took it off to look at it and like K said there was a small  _ J. F. K-F _ in the inside. "Oh wow your full name." Freddie said surprised. He knew that K didn't like his two names. But as he had told him years ago, he hated 'Franz' even more. "For my Finkie everything." the former captain grinned. "You'll be the perfect husband." Freddie whispered into K's ear. "I'll at least try, honey." K answered him.

Many hours later they arrived in Julius' hometown and walked the way to the Klenzendorf household. Freddie looked around, everything was like he had remembered it. "Will you show me around the next days?" Freddie asked.

"Sure if you want that." Julius replied with a shrug. "I'd like that, last time I didn't see that much."

They continued their way and finally arrived at the house. K took the lead and walked across the front yard to knock on the door. Then they waited.

After a moment his father opened the door. "Julius! Son oh I'm glad to see you!" his dad pulled him into his arms. "Hey there, paps." Julius smiled and hugged the older man back.

"Good evening,  _ Herr _ Klenzendorf." Freddie said and gave him his hand. "Ah you must be Frederik."  _ Herr _ Klenzendorf said. "Yeah, please call me Freddie. Everyone does." Freddie explained with a smile. "Well then Freddie you can call me Jan." K's dad answered.

They went into the house and Winnie also took her son into her arms. "God Julius my dear little boy! I missed you so much." she said and whipped away a tear. "Missed you too, mama." he replied, "but I'm not that little anymore, I'm 37 years old."

"You'll always be my little boy." she said. "Fine, oh mom do you remember Freddie?" K nodded into Finkel direction. "Of course I do!" she also hugged Freddie. "I'm glad you found my boy, Freddie." Winnie smiled. "Oh I'm glad too. We had to talk about a lot." Finkel said. He looked at K who was sitting on the sofa now, seeming unsure. Freddie exactly what was going on inside his captain.  _ You don't know if you should tell them. _

"Tell us Julius, what happened?" Jan asked his son now. K started to explain everything. They talked until nighttime but at some point Winnie decided it was time for bed. "So Julius can stay in his old room, do you want to sleep in the guestroom Freddie?" K's mother asked. "Freddie can sleep in my room. Do you still have my sofa?" Julius asked. "We haven't touched your room." Jan answered. "Great, so Freddie wanna join me?" K said. Finkel nodded and also stood up. "Alright. Goodnight boys." Winnie smiled at them. "Night, mama. Night paps." the former captain replied. Freddie also said goodnight and followed K upstairs. Finally having some privacy in K's room Freddie said "you know.. at some point you have to tell them about us."

Julius sighed, "I know… come here, Freddie." K pulled the younger into a hug and kissed his cheek. "It'll be okay. I'll stay with you." Finkel said softly. "Thanks, honey." Julius replied.

"So do you think we should stay in two different beds?" the former sub officer asked. K shook his head, "I don't fucking care about any risks. You are basically my husband already so I want you in my bed, our bed." 

They switched clothes and went to bed together. "I like your room. It tells a lot about you." Freddie grinned. "You think so?" K asked. Finkel nodded. "Well thanks I guess.", K caressed Freddies hair. "How could we tell them?" the former captain then wondered.

"I think, it'll be best if we just straight up tell them." Finkel answered. "You might be right, Finkie."

"Let's sleep now hm?" Freddie asked and K nodded in reply.

A good hour later  _ Herr  _ and  _ Frau  _ Klenzendorf went to bed as well. Winnie looked into her son's room very quietly and smiled when she saw the two men sleeping and cuddling in Julius' bed. She had known since Freddie and stood in front of her the first time that they might share a bigger bond. Since today though, she knew that Julius and Freddie definitely were in love. She could saw it in their eyes. Winnie wondered when her son would come out to them.

Next morning the Klenzendorfs sat at the breakfast table when K cleared his throat. "Mama, Papa, I need to tell you something.." he started, not exactly knowing how to say this. "I.. so you see.. Freddie and I.." he stammered.

"It's fine Julius honey, we know.", Winnie smiled. Klenzendorf jr looked at her surprised, "you know? How?"

"They way you two look at each other." Jan explained without looking up from his newspaper. "And you two are okay with it?" Julius asked, clearly tensed up. "If it makes you happy, Julius, then we can't speak against it, can we? We only want the best for you." Winnifred smiled. "Freddie is the best for me." K took Finkels hand. "Then it's fine. But please be careful okay?" Jan said to them. "We are. We always were." Freddie nodded. "How long are you two a couple?"  _ Frau  _ Klenzendorf wanted to know. "We started dating in 1942, stayed together since. Well the last two years we were separated because of that damn captivity but well yeah, we're a couple since early 1942." Julius told her. "Wow six years already. You two really seem to love each other."

K smiled at that, "Finkie is the love of my life, mama."

"How old are you Freddie?" Winnie asked him out of curiosity. "I'm 30." he replied before eating his eggs. "So you're 7 years younger than Julius?"

"That's correct." Freddie nodded, "why? Is that a problem?" the former sub officer asked. "Of course not. I was just wondering." Winnie replied, then looked at her son. "What are you two up to today?"

"Oh Freddie wanted to see the town. I thought I'll show him around." K answered. "So you two won't stay for lunch?" Winnie asked. "Nah don't think so, mum. We'll be back for dinner." Julius said. "Okay fine. Then have a great day you two."

"Thank you." Freddie smiled at her in response. A hour later the two men were walking outside.

"What do you wanna see first?" K asked. "Your favourite spot as a kid." Finkel answered immediately.

Klenzendorf smiled a little, "alright, follow me." they walked into the near forest and stopped at a little river. "I spent hours here. Playing with my mates or my cousins."

"Wow, it's so beautiful here. You're lucky Julius. As big city children my sister and I only had our street and a nearby park to play. But this forest as a playground? Marvelous." Finkel said, clearly amazed. K just shrugged, "it's normal for me."

"I think it's just perfect." Freddie smiled brightly. They walked a few minutes along the river, then returning to the town. K showed him the famous buildings of his home and some other nice spots. After that they settled into a cafe. "Thanks, captain." Freddie said.

"What for?" Julius wanted to know.

"Everything. That you showed me all that important places of your past. It was great." Freddie explained.

"Well, I'm glad you liked it, Freddie. Maybe you can show me a few of your favourite places in  _ Frankfurt _ ."

Freddie nodded, "sure I can try. Many of them will be destroyed now tho. But we'll see, maybe they already rebuild some of them."

K took a sip of his coffee. "I'm really excited to meet your mom. Also I bet it'll be nice to see your sister again."

"I think my mother will like you." Freddie said. "It would make things much easier." K laughed. "True." Finkel smiled.

They stayed another two days at the Klenzendorf household before going to  _ Frankfurt  _ to meet Freddies family. They had decided to also stay three days at the Finkel home.

Katharina picked them up at the train station. "Hey there guys!" she smiled brightly and hugged both. "I'm glad you got your memories back, K." Kathie added. "I'm glad about that too." Julius grinned. "How's mom?" Freddy asked now. "Oh mother is fine. She spends a lot of time with  _ Frau  _ Weber from next door." his sister told him, then she looked back at K, "you'll like our mom."

Julius smiled at her, "I bet I will. If she's like you two." 

They arrived at the house and went in. Kathie walked into the kitchen to make some tea. Freddie and K went into the living room. "Hey son, how are you." Ilse smiled at Finkel. Freddie hugged her. "Hello mama. I'd like to introduce someone to you." He said and looked a K, "mom that's Julius Klenzendorf, my captain in the  _ Heer _ and long time boyfriend." Freddie said, waiting for her response. Julius gave her his hand. "I'm really happy to meet you,  _ Frau  _ Finkel _. _ " K said. Ilse looked at him, "you may call me Ilse, captain."

"Then I'd be thankful if you would call me Julius or K." Klenzendorf replied.

Ilse looked at Freddie, "so, boyfriend huh? Not your first male partner I believe." she asked. "No. I never had any interest in girls. And Julius is the man I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I hope you can understand that, if not… then I'm really sorry but I'll stay with him whatever happens." Freddie said and hold his breath.

"Honey it's fine, I'm not judging you." she told him. "Please sit down you two. I'd love to learn more about Julius. I mean I heard a lot about you from Freddie, even if it was just him speaking about his captain." Ilse smiled. Now Freddie smiled as well, "you aren't angry or disappointed?" Finkel asked. "God no why should I?" his mother wanted to know.

"Well it's illegal and many people think it's sick and not normal to love people of the same gender." Julius answered.

"Yeah and that's ridiculous. Love is love. People should be allowed to love who they want." Ilse said.

K and Freddie looked at each other, then they smiled "we're glad you see it like that, mum." Finkel replied.

Katharina brought the tea and sat down as well. "You are from around  _ Hannover _ aren't you, Julius?"  _ Frau  _ Finkel asked him. "Yes,  _ Wanningen  _ a small town about 15 kilometers from the city." Klenzendorf answered.

"Freddie said you were a professional soldier?" Ilse continued. K nodded, "I joined the  _ Heer _ when I turned 18. I never did something else so the civil life is quite hard for me. Good thing Freddie is there to help. I'm glad I have him." Julius squeezed Finkels hand a little bit. "You two are so cute together." Kathie grinned.

"Thanks little sis." Freddie returned a smile. "Are you boy hungry? I'm sure I can make you something." Ilse then said. "Mooom" Freddie groaned.

"What? It's a legit question."

"We ate lunch at the train thanks, Ilse." K replied then. "Fine, as you like." she answered. The group continued talking for a while until it was time for dinner. Then they ate together and after that Freddie and K went to bed.

Finkel just wanted some time alone now. Also he wanted to give K some space, after all his family was quite nosey.

"That went far better than I had hoped." Freddie said when they were on their own. "Yeah I think your mom does like me." Julius replied. "I think so too." Freddie smiled. K sat down on the former sub officer's bed. "You're old room is also pretty by the way." he said. "Thanks." Freddie took of his shirt to switch into something more sleep friendly when K said with bright grinn: "look at this fine back."

Finkel rolled his eyes, then turned and looked at his former captain.

"What?" K asked, "I'm just admiring my boyfriend. Is this prohibited now?"

"You pretend like I have the best body you ever saw, again."

K stood up and stepped behind Freddie, laying his arms around the younger. "Well you  _ do  _ have the greatest most handsome body I ever saw naked, Finkie." he paused for a moment, then added. "You are young and beautiful  **and** then there is me, I'm old, broken and the right side of my body is covered in nasty scars."

Freddie turned again to face K, "you're not old Julius! also, for me you are the most handsome man there is. I love you and your body with all your scars. Which aren't nasty by the way they are beautiful because they show what you did for me and the others back at the front. You protected us like a great commander and that's why you are handsome and beautiful and perfect my captain." Freddie smiled. K answered that with a long loving kiss. "And you're also wearing to much clothes." Freddie added.

That made K laugh. "You are quite something, Finkie." then he also took of his suspenders and shirt and looked at his boyfriend again, "better?"

Freddie nodded and ran his fingers over the scarred skin. Julius just watched him as good as he could. Some of his right side lay in the blind corner of his right eye. The younger one kissed his captains shoulder, "you're a very special person, captain. I'm glad you're mine." he grinned.

"I'm glad you let me be yours." Klenzendorf replied and pulled Freddie in another kiss. "Wanna go to bed now?" K asked. Finkel nodded and they continued switching into sleep clothes before cuddle up in bed together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do know that some things are unrealistic for that particular time period. Like for example it would be very very hard for K to get a ring like that two years after the war.  
> Same goes for food and drinks and basically everything you need to live but yeah I don't really care for that story. xD
> 
> If that brothers you feel free to stop reading :)


	11. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally both of them come home.  
> They also get a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was a rollercoaster. I'm glad I finished it though and I'm happy with how it turned out. Fun fact: I had the idea for that story while watching a documentary about Amy Winehouse. When I started it I didn't even plan on making it that long. I only had this key setting of Klenzendorf taking drugs and everything else evolved around it.
> 
> Anyway, it was a pleasure and I wish you great joy in reading the last chapter :)

Freddie sat down their bags in the middle of the hallway when they finally arrived in  _ Falkenheim  _ again.

K let out a sigh as he dropped himself on the sofa. "I do like our families but I'm really glad to be home again." Julius said. "Oh me too, dear." Freddie replied while walking into the room.  K only stretched out his arms without saying a word, Freddie understood.  The younger man sat down on K's lap and snuggled up to his captain. "Come here handsome." K muttered before kissing his husband to be.  Freddie enjoyed every kiss, they hadn't had the chance to kiss each other in hours. "My captain" he whispered with a smile. "My sub officer" Klenzendorf answered and kissed him again.  They just sat like this for a few minutes until Freddie asked: "Hey Julius? Do we still want to look for a small house outside the city?"

K nodded, "yeah sure, why?"

"We could start looking for it, what do you mean?" Freddie smiled.  "I'd love this, Finkie."

"Great then lets start this tomorrow? Today I just wanna do nothing."

"How about we take 'nothing' to our bedroom?" K suggested.  "Good idea, yeah lets change places." Finkel stood up and pulled K with him. Then they went into bed together, barely clothed at all. The rest of the day Klenzendorf showed Freddie how much he loved him.

Much later both men were laying on their backs, K lit up a cigarette. Finkel looked over at him, "didn't you say you wanted to stay away from addictive things?" not that he'd mind him smoking. "Finkie I gave up drugs, I gave up drinking. If you take smoking away from me I'll probably kill myself."

K offered him the cigarette but Finkel shook his head. "Why couldn't you give up smoking and keep the drinking, tasted better." Freddie laughed. "You can't have all, love."

Finkel turned on his side and leaned his head on his elbow, "what did you think of the sex?"

"Wonderful as always." the former captain replied. Finkel waited for K to finish smoking. When he put out the cig in an ashtray on his nightstand, Freddie moved into K's arms.  "Someone wants to cuddle." the former captain commented.  "Yeah", Freddie only muttered and laid his head on Julius' bared chest.  "You're cute when you're tired." K smiled. "You always think I'm cute." Finkel said. Klenzendorf laid his arms around Freddie in a protective hug.  "Well, you  _ are _ always cute."

"Thanks captain."

"My pleasure, dear.", K answered and not much later both of them were asleep. 

The next morning, K and Finkel went out to gather some informations about houses they could buy. Julius also wanted to know if he was able to get his army pay from his bank account. T o their great joy, the money was still there and it would be enough to pay at least some installments.  At home again Freddie called the owners of the houses they wanted to look at. "We can go have a look at the three houses tomorrow, K." Freddie told him. "Cool, lets do it.", the former captain answered, then looked up when Freddie came back into the living room. The younger one was smiling brightly. "You seem quite happy.", Klenzendorf stated. Finkel nodded, "well yeah!" he went over to K and sat down on his lap like he often did.

"It's just.. we'll buy a house  _ together.  _ And we're engaged. That's something huge." he made a pause, "I just love you so much, Julius."

K took Freddies face in his hands and smiled at him. "I love you even more my cute strong Finkie." then he kissed the former sub officer. "I'm looking forward to our own little house." K added. Freddie laid his hand above K's, "and I'll plant your favourite flowers in the garden."

"It will be fantastic." Klenzendorf nodded. "Just the two of us, living on our own without hiding?" Freddie asked. "Yeah, and I'll kiss my husband whenever I want." K grinned.  "I'm sure he likes that." Freddie said.  "Does he?" Klenzendorf answered with a small smile and kissed his boyfriend another time.  They were quiet for a moment until K said: "that's it."

"Huh?" Freddie looked at him.  "That's the life we always wanted. The life we were dreaming about in the war. The one we thought we could never have."

Finkel nodded, "yeah, true. And now we do have it. What did we do to deserve that?" 

"Oh you definitely do, Finkie."

"But you do as well, captain.", Freddie said. "No, but I'm glad I got it anyway.", he smiled.

The sky was grey the next day. Freddie and Julius went out anyway. They had looked at different houses the entire day and only one was left now. All the houses they had looked at were not the right thing tho. K seemed quite annoyed at this time. "Freddie can't we just go home now? We looked at unfitting houses all day.", he sighed.  "The last one must be good. Come on, K. It's only one more." Finkel tried to lift him up. "Yeah right, fine."

They walked to the place where the house was located and they would meet the owner. It was a friendly looking woman who already waited for them. Freddie gave her his hand. "Good afternoon ma'am. I'm Frederik Finkel, we spoke on the phone earlier. that here is Julius Klenzendorf by the way." Freddie said with a smile.  "My pleasure,  _ Herr _ Finkel,  _ Herr  _ Klenzendorf. I'm Elisa Wolfhart.", she said. K kissed her hand and gave her a charming smile, "it's a pleasure for us,  _ Frau  _ Wolfhart."

"Shall we go look at the house?", she wanted to know. Freddie nodded.  The three of them went through the driveway and small front yard.  "Oh this is pretty. I love the garden.", Freddie said.  Elisa chuckled, "it's nice, isn't it?"

"Please let me ask, why do you wanna sell it?", K asked her.  "My husband died in France in 1944. I just want to start new you know?"

Julius nodded, "I can understand that."

"So who of you two searches for a house?", Elisa asked. They had talked about this question before so K answered: "Oh my wife and I want to move from a flat to a real house. Sadly she couldn't make it today so my good friend Freddie came along."

"I see. Well I bet your wife will like the house. It has a great kitchen and quite a nice back yard." she said and opened the door. "Please step in."  The two men entered and walked through the hallway into the living room. The room was just the right size and painted in light colors.  They walked through all the rooms and later into the garden. "There you can see the river and not far from here is a small forest great for a walk.", Elisa told them. "So what do you think?"

"I think it's great. A really beautiful house." Freddie said and looked at K. Julius nodded, "yeah I like it a lot. And it seems like a quiet neighborhood also.", he stated. "Oh yeah. Well not many people live here. Most of them prefer to live in the city."

"We want to get out of there." K explained. "I think that house could be it. What do you think Freddie? Would you say  _ Frida  _ would like it?", Julius asked with a smile. Freddie needed to suppress a laugh. "I think your  _ wife  _ will love it, Julius. You should take it and surprise  _ her _ ."

Elisa smiled at them, "you don't need to decide right now  _ Herr  _ Klenzendorf. You can talk to your wife first, if she wants to have a look as well we can meet again too."

But K shook his head, "no I think Freddie's idea is great. My wife's birthday is just around the corner and I think that could be the perfect gift. No I would like to discuss the purchase with you.", the former captain said and looked at his husband again who nodded happily.  "Yeah sure of course if you want that. I have all papers here wait a second."  She went inside again to get the papers. K looked at Freddie again. "You really think we should buy it?"

"It's perfect, Julius. It's a great little house and so secluded that nobody will disturb us. We'll be a lot more save you know.", Freddie smiled.  "Yes true, also it's near enough for little Betzler to come around whenever he want. I like that. Yeah we should take it. Also the garden is quite big we could get a dog.", K said excited.

Elisa came back outside and sat down at the table. "That would be the certificate of ownership for the house. I bet you remember the amount I'd like to have for the house but here's the price again." K looked at it. "Ah yes, I'd go to the bank as soon as I got the loan and pay you the 80.000  _ Mark _ ."

"Sounds good to me,  _ Herr  _ Klenzendorf.", she replied. K and Elisa did the paperwork and soon after the little house was theirs. Well nearly, technically it would be the banks until K paid back the loan. He had calculated that they would need ca. 10 years until the house would be officially theirs. Elisa gave K the keys. "Well  _ Herr  _ Klenzendorf, it's yours now. We'll do the rest in the next days?"

K nodded, "thanks again and yeah we will. I'll call you about the payment."  They said their goodbyes and Elisa left. When they were alone in the house Freddie hugged K excited. "We have a house!"

Julius laughed, "yeah, love. We have a house." Then they shared the first kiss in their new home.

Julius took the next days to finish everything with the bank and Elisa so that they only had to pay the loan off month for month. Freddie went to work as usual. K also looked for a new job and found something as a security guard. It was hard to prove that he could do the job, or any job, with only one functioning eye but he did it and the city hired him.

At the weekends both men worked in their new home. Freddie painted some walls in colors he liked and bought some furniture. The Klenzendorf and Finkel Familie also gave them a few furniture pieces, so that they had a whole facility after two months.  Freddie couldn't wait to move into the house. He already looked for hyacints to plant but didn't find any flower bulbs for it. It was hard to get anything this days. But he wouldn't stop looking.

K enjoyed seeing his Freddie so happy and excited. The older man also couldn't wait to finally move in. It was a quiet neighborhood after all and that was just what K wanted. A quiet place for Freddie and himself. A place where they could be them.  This house was all that.  _ We need a dog. I want a dog,  _ K thought.  As a child, julius had had a puppy.  So he looked at his husband, "Hey Freddie?"

"Yeah?" the younger asked.

"I do really wanna have a dog when we moved into the house.", K told him.

"Why do you need a dog? And what kind of dog?" the former sub officer asked. "Dogs are great and we'll have lots of space for him. Come on Freddie please. Let us get a dog.", Julius looked at Freddie with a lot of hope in his eye. "Yeah fine, if it makes you happy we'll get a dog.", Finkel smiled.  K was grinning now, "This will be perfect you'll see!", the older one hugged Freddie.

So when they finally had moved into the house two weeks later, they went to the local animal shelter to look for a dog. K adjusted his sunglasses before Finkel and himself went in.

"Well, what kind of dog do you look for?", the woman working there asked K. "Oh I don't really look for a specific kind I just wanna have a look. Maybe one of them is the right one."

"Do you have experience with dogs?"

K nodded, "I had a  _ large Münsterländer _ as a kid. Now I moved into a house with a big garden and I thought it's time for a dog again.", he explained. The woman looked at Freddie, "and you shall help to find the right one?", she smiled.  Finkel nodded, "yeah. I'm his best friend Freddie. But dogs aren't really my specialty."

They walked along the cages. Freddie smiled at some smaller dogs. "They are all cute.", he said. The woman chuckled, "yeah they are."

Julius stopped in front of a cage in which a german Shepherd puppy was sitting at the wall, seeming sad and kinda alone.  "Oh, tragic case our little Bruno here. We got him in 1944, he's such a happy playful dog but nobody want to adopt him because he lost his right eye.", the woman said.

"I'll take him.", K answered immediately. "What? You're sure?"

"Yeah. He's the one. I can understand what he's going through." Julius said and took off his sunglasses, "same problem." Then he crouched. "Hey Bruno, I'm Julius. Would you like to come home with me?", K said softly with a smile. The little shepherd went over to him and licked his hand, seeming much more happy now.

The woman smiled brightly, "I think he likes you."

"Seems like it." Julius replied, then looked at Freddie, "what do you think?"

Finkel grinned, "that you already set your mind and fell in love with the little guy. Yeah take him home."

"Alright, it's set then." K nodded.

They talked about everything else and paid for the dog. Then Bruno was leashed and they could go home.

K seemed very happy the whole way home. "He's perfect." the former captain said and looked at Freddie. "Of course you think that, he's literally you as a dog." Finkel answered. "But Finkie, he's so adorable!"

"True, he is cute.", Freddie admitted, "I'm glad you're happy. I do wanted to ask you something tho.", he added.

"What is it?", K wanted to know.

"I've noticed that you're wearing sunglasses a lot again. Even if it's not sunny at all.", Freddie said.  K tensed up immediately, the dog seemed to notice that too.  "Yeah, so what is your point?", the older one asked.

"K what's wrong?", Freddie looked at him concerned. "Nothing's wrong.." the former captain tried. "Julius.. you can talk to me, love." Finkel said so that only K would hear it.

Julius sighed, "alright.. after my eye accident happened some people called me a freak once or twice. I'm… I just don't want you to leave me because you don't wanna be seen with a  _ freak. _ ", he said.  Freddie stopped and stared at him.  "First of all Julius, you aren't a freak! People who said this are stupid and assholes. Second, I would never leave you and certainly not for something like this!" Freddie took K's hand.

"You are very handsome as you are and I love you for the man you are, captain. And also does Bruno.", Finkel smiled. K only nodded slowly. "Yeah sure.. sorry.. I- thank's, love."

"My pleasure, and if you forget I'll tell you over and over again."

"You really are the best that could have happened to me."

"True." Finkel grinned.  K smiled lovingly at him and opened the door to their front yard.  When they were inside the house, K kissed his husband. Then he took off the leash of Bruno. "We already bought you some stuff earlier little guy. I bet you'll love it here." Julius grinned.  The shepherd walked through the house, exploring everything before laying down on the pillow they got him.

"How could anyone not love him?" K asked Finkel. "Dunno, he seems like a great fellow. And he already listens to commands."

"Exactly!" K went over to the dog and sat down next to Bruno on the floor. Then he petted him. "You're such a good boy. A true Klenzendorf." Julius said proud. Freddie watched his love having great fun with the puppy.  _ I'm so glad Julius is happy. He deserves it so much for everything he's done and went through.  _ Freddie thought.

Two weeks later, their families visited to celebrate their new home and the two men finally had their little wedding ceremony as well. They hadn't had planned to include their parents and siblings but it was even better like this. Katharina had hugged Freddie, then Julius and wished them all the luck. Finkel was glad to have a sister like Kathie who always supported him. Bruno was also excited to meet so many new people. Since the little doggo was with the two, he was much more happy. The families got along quite well and Freddie and Julius couldn't have been any happier.

Then a few days later when everything was back to normal again and the two men were on their own for a while, Jojo and Elsa came for a visit the other day. Finkel opened the door. "Oh hey kids.", he said and let them in. "Don't mind Bruno he loves to meet people." Freddie added. Just as Jojo wanted to ask who Bruno was, the little shepherd came running towards him.

"Oh! Hey little friend!", Jojo smiled brightly and laughed as the dog licked his face. Elsa just smiled at that and walked into the living room.  "Hey there.", she waved at K.  The former captain looked up, as Jojo also came into the room. "Hello you two."

Elsa eyed him with a serious expression, "still clean?"  K nodded, "Yes ma'am. Haven't had anything like that since the accident. Not even alcohol.", he told her.  "You do learn.", she smiled.

"Sometimes." Julius replied with a grin. "Also he knows that I'd kick him right to  _ Hannover _ if he'd do drugs again.", Finkel said and put down some glasses and something to drink.

"Right,", K agreed.

Bruno laid down next to Jojo and watched the kid interested.  "Seems like he likes you a lot, kid.", Klenzendorf said. "You think so?", Jojo asked, looking happy. "Yeah! Who wouldn't?", K replied with a fatherly smile. "So what are you two up to?", Finkel asked them. "I'm working, somebody has to after all.", Elsa answered. "And I'm going to school again with my best friend Yorkie.", Jojo told them, looking proud.  "I hope they teach you guys the right things.", K only said, thinking about all the stuff the nazis taught the children back in the war. "It's boring stuff like maths and writing dictations of boring poems.", Jojo sighed but K smiled, "good", he said.

Jojo went into the garden with Bruno and played catch with him. The others watched him a bit until K asked: "you look after him yeah?"

Elsa turned to the former captain, "of course I do. I couldn't just leave him on his own. I love him like my little brother also I think his mom would want me to look after him.", she smiled.  K nodded, "yeah, I do owe Rosie."

"Why?" Elsa asked, "Because he hurt himself with a grenade? Well that was Jojos own fault. He also says that."

"I should have been more careful. I mean I do know what grenades can do.", he said and looked at Jojo playing with the dog.

"I can't get him to stop blaming himself for that.", Freddie only said. "I tried many times."

Elsa chuckled, "you really are a good guy, K."

"Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. Doesn't matter as long as everyone is safe and alright.", Julius replied.

That evening, K had his head laying on Freddies lap while the younger one was reading something. Bruno was sleeping on K's stomach. "Freddie?", Julius asked. "Yes, Captain?"

"I like the flowers you planted."

Freddie smiled, "I'm glad you do. You always wanted pretty flowers in your house.", Finkel said. Klenzendorf looked up with love in his good eye.

"True but I already had a pretty flower in my house.", he answered and cupped Finkels cheek with one hand.

Freddie was blushing hard. "Oh stop that you old softie."

"No you love it too much.", K grinned.  "I love  **you** .", Freddie replied.  K pulled him down into a loving kiss.

_ Hm, who could have thought that.  _ He was thinking.  _ Finally we found a place for us.  _


End file.
